


Deep Blue Sadness

by Anna_Marie



Series: Keith's Adventures with Insomnia [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caretaker Keith (Voltron), Caretaker Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Supportive Shiro (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2020-10-26 10:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20740673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Marie/pseuds/Anna_Marie
Summary: While visiting a planet where partying is the norm, Lance experiences a traumatic event. The other Paladins attempt to help him with the aftermath.





	1. What Happened

Keith wasn’t sure the origins to his lack of sleep. He was doing ok, at least he thought he was, and no one really knew about his lack of sleep. Keith was performing up to his normal standards. He didn’t feel anything wrong; mostly just empty and restless when awake.

He would go to bed with everyone else, wait until he couldn’t hear anyone, then sneak off and train. The closest any member of the team came to noticing was when Lance commented on how buff Keith was becoming. Even though Keith hid himself in loose fitting clothing, Lance somehow still noticed and decided to make his flamboyant comment over dinner. Keith was embarrassed. He was probably as red as his lion. The other brushed it off, laughing with Lance about his comment, but something in Lance’s facial features hinted that the Cuban was worried. Concerned, more so. Once training became boring, Keith decided to read. Or go watch the planets pass. The best nights were when they were on a planet and Keith could go explore when no one was awake. He never got lost because his suit mapped out his path and the possible paths he could take. He found some interesting plants and scenes on these adventures. Alone at night, he could let his hair and guard down. He didn’t have to be reserved and constrained. Or bothered by people. The activities he did varied from planet to planet.

Currently, they were on a planet where partying was the norm. The species literally parties to survive. The members of Voltron had the previous day recruited them into the Coalition and they offered them a nights’ stay and an invite to their high-end party made for government officials and celebrities. Of course Allura agreed. And everyone had to attend to show respect.

Everyone acted as Keith expected. Hunk scouted out the food, looking for recipes and chatting with the cooks about the food. Pidge was social; mostly hitting up the nerdy or science professionals. Sharing technologies amongst the pleasantries. Allura, Coran, and Shiro were normal social people. Lance flirted up everyone; Keith lost him multiple times.

Lance and Keith had been hanging out more and somewhere between leaving Earth and this moment, Keith had fallen in love with Lance. Keith knew Lance was bisexual, thanks to a very fun conversation Allura had to have with the group due to an alien Lance had brought onto the ship to have intimate fun with. Keith was mad at Lance after that because the Paladins THEN had to have The Talk: Alien Version with Coran teaching. Not a fond memory.

Once Keith had stayed a socially-acceptable length of time, he decided to go for a walk around the city they were in before heading back to the Castle. Keith informed Hunk that he was leaving. Hunk gave him food for the road, in which he could not pass up. Keith then went to find Lance to make sure he was okay. The loud music in the alien language mixed with the amount of people and the bright colors caused Keith’s world to go blurry a few times on his search. He watched as the aliens ingested various substances, helping each other in what seemed almost intimate act. Keith made a mental note to see if the castle had any books on this species and their customs/norms. Keith finally found Lance, downstairs in the house and with a bunch of the aliens. Lance was making them laugh apparently. He caught Keith’s eye and excused himself. Keith noticed many things.

Firstly, his pupils were severely dilated. Lance’s gaze drifted. When he walked, it was as if he was simultaneously floating and being held down by tons of rocks. His mouth seemed to be in a permanent giggle. When he said hello to Keith, Lance sounded unsure yet confident in who he was addressing. Keith informed Lance he was heading out. Lance embraced the Red Paladin in a one-sided hug; Keith was bombarded with a weird scent that was neither delightful or from Earth.

“Lance, what have you been doing?” Keith asked sternly. Lance giggled.

“You said my name! You are really funny Keef” Lance slurred back. The two separated partially, Keith keeping the Latino boy upright.

“What the hell did you eat?!” Keith yelled, trying to sound concerned but it came out as angry.

“Ok Mr. Grumpy Gills,” Lance yelled, sounding hurt but also like he didn’t care. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy some delicacies of the local people!”

“Clearly I didn’t enjoy as much as you,” Keith remarked. Although Keith had to admit, Lance appeared to be as okay as he could be. His normal self with some parts amplified. He told Lance he was going to the castle and that he would see him in the morning. Lance placed a sloppy kiss on the top of Keith’s gloved hand before going back to his new friends. Keith turned on his heel and rushed away before anyone could notice the red forming in his cheeks. Anger and love. Even though Keith hated Lance like this, he figured Lance would be back to himself in the morning.

Keith wandered around the city for, what he conceived to be, two hours. He stopped for food a couple of times, making sure humans could have what he was consuming. When he arrived to the tallest building, the castle ship he now called home, he entered. He was the first one back; the castle was shut down. Keith turned on some lights as he made his way to the control room. Their scanners could reach where the party was, so Keith decided to keep an eye out for his crew members. Allura seemed to be now fending off the aliens trying to give her something. She was adamant on not eating the cube of whatever it was. Pidge and Hunk were now together, chatting away with some locals. The microphones did not reach far enough. Judging by their body language, the conversation seemed to be going well. Coran was of course hitting up the locals, dancing with them; he did not, however, appear to be intoxicated. Coran’s normal behavior could be someone else’s version of themselves when intoxicated. Shiro seemed to be more anti-social than earlier in the night, as he was leaning on a wall near the entrance to the big building that Keith assumed belonged to a member of Parliament. Lance was nowhere to be found by the scanners. Keith sighed heavily. He imputed Lance’s tracker number for the Castle to find his location. After a minute of processing, the screen pointed to one of the higher floors in the building. It did not give Keith any visuals, and if Lance was doing what Keith thought he was, he did not want to see the activity.

Of course Lance was with other people. He would never go for someone like Keith. Keith didn’t know how to express his feelings. He knew he often came off as cold and guarded but that’s because he just didn’t know. Any attempts at flirting were awkward; he figured that out at the Garrison with one of his classmates. Keith hadn’t told anyone apart from Shiro that he was gay. Shiro was actually the one who helped Keith figure out his sexuality. Whenever he would act up at the Garrison, Shiro would be the one to talk to. One day Keith punched a kid’s tooth out because he kissed him while hanging out in his room. While the kiss itself was uncalled for, and completely not okay, Keith kept thinking about kissing other guys. When he went to talk to Shiro, he told the older man about his feelings and asked if that is how Shiro felt towards Adam. Since then, apart from his attempt at flirting, he kept his sexuality and feelings to himself. He wanted a boyfriend who could balance his personality. And Lance seemed to do that, even if they were just friends. But why would Lance - seductive, extroverted, flirtatious Lance - settle for a half Galran like Keith? When he could be having wild relations with aliens from other species, other customs?

Keith slouched at the control panel deep in his thoughts, zoning out, long enough that when Pidge asked what he was doing, Keith fell out of his chair, startled.

“Keeping watch” Keith said stiffly from the floor. He got up, rubbing his neck. Pidge manage to suppress their chuckle.

“Hunk and I are back so you just have to watch out for Shiro, Allura, Coran, and Lance. Two of those more so than the other."

Keith was confused and it showed.

“Allura should be watched because the locals have been pressuring her to take some of their more… behavior changing and psychedelic foods.”

They both knew who was the second person Keith should watch out for. The Cuban, according to Pidge, hadn’t been seen for a few hours. Hunk and Pidge weren’t worried though. The two told Keith they were going to bed and would see him tomorrow.

An hour later, nothing had really changed except for Keith’s alertness and patience. He decided to try to go to bed, even though he figured it would be a bad night for sleep. He showered. Taking his sweet time. He laid in bed, eyes closed but sleep alluding him. He tried tiring himself out with reading for another hour or so but that did not work. His only perk was finding a “book” in the database about the culture of the aliens they were visiting.

He read about their belief system. The reason they partied so much was to appease the all-powerful-beings they worshipped. The food they eat is not toxic or psychedelic to them like it is to humans. They do have stuff to get high, but it wasn’t openly shared at the party. They see sharing food, and giving drugs to someone as an act equal to, or as meaningful to some as, sex. Letting someone into your body or to control what goes in it was sacred. However, they did not have the same ideas regarding consent as humans do. There is conflict for the aliens regarding having relations while someone is intoxicated. Some say it is a religious right, some say it is completely horrible.

Keith was on his way back to his room, his head spinning with what he had just read but still not feeling tired. As he passed Lance’s room he heard a wretched sound coming from the Blue Paladin’s quarters.

“Hnnnnng!”

Keith stopped. That did not sound good. He heard the noise twice before knocking on Lance’s door.

“Hnnng!” he heard. Then ,weakly “Hello…?”

“Hey Lance, it’s Keith” Keith banged his head softly. Of course he would know it’s Keith. “Can I come in?”

There was no reply for a while. “Keith????”

“Yes?”

Keith barely heard the Blue Paladin whimper for his help.

First thing Keith noticed was that clothes were everywhere in Lance’s room. He had never been inside before, so he didn’t know if that was a regular thing that happened. A pair of legs were sticking out of the doorway to the bathroom, quivering. Keith cautiously approached.

Lance was sprawled on the floor it a position Keith couldn’t imagine being comfortable. Lance’s skin was clammy and paler than usual. His body was shaking. When he weakly looked up at the Red Paladin, Keith could see his bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils. Lance was dry heaving into a garbage can, not strong enough to reach the toilet. Lance curled into himself; he was crying.

“Holy shit Lance, what the hell happened?” Keith couldn’t help the bluntness.

“It hurts,” Lance wheezed. “All over.”

Keith just stood there. Trying to figure out what to do.

“Are you hot or cold?” Keith asked. He could add a blanket, remove clothes (hopefully not), or run a bath for Lance. Lance said he was burning; out of nowhere he started scratching his skin fervently.

Lance heard his name over and over again and as much as he wanted to respond he couldn’t. The physical sensations were too much. He felt a hand on him, firm. They had him again. Pulling him to the bedroom. Taking his pants off. All of them lapping and kissing. All over. He hated it. He couldn’t fight back. He wasn’t strong enough. He let them. He didn’t know who this was grabbing him now - oh god his vision was blurry - but he needed them off. He couldn’t go through it again so soon. Or ever. No one deserves to have what happened to Lance happen to them. Not even Zarkon.

Lance continued scratching but used his feet to try and kick Keith. The Red Paladin couldn’t process what was happening over the sound of Lance screaming.

“Lance, it’s me! It’s Keith!”

Lance stopped scratching and was trying to curl into himself with as little movement as possible. He stopped dry heaving when the scratching began; he started groaning Keith’s name over and over.

“Did you want a bath while I find the info about if the local food is poisonous or psychedelic to humans?” Keith asked. He realized a few things as those words left his mouth. The first being that Lance would have to strip down. Secondly, Lance was too weak to do it himself. Thirdly, Keith felt confusedly regarding his emotions about the situation. Lance didn’t reply right away. His tensed and strained face tried its best to smirk, eventually accomplishing its goal.

“You want to strip me?” Lance joked and then burst into tears. Keith stood awkwardly at the door, not sure what to do.

“Is it the pain?”

Keith realized he probably should be getting Coran or Allura, since they would be more knowledgeable on the subject of alien drug detox. Lance told him it wasn’t that. Keith asked if it was okay to get Coran or Allura and Lance immediately resisted. He mustered up enough courage to talk.  
“No! No, they can’t… They would be mad… Disappointed… I can't ...”

“Lance, you didn’t know that the food wouldn’t agree with you,” Keith remarked, hopefully softly but he wasn’t sure. Lance whispered to get the book instead. Keith nodded and left.

The Castle was quiet, apart from the soft hum that is usually heard. It was the hum of a living being, not a mechanical engine. Everyone was back and probably asleep. He decided that Coran would be best if it came to getting someone else to help Lance. He arrived at the library, grabbed a tablet, and hurried back to his crush; searching whilst fast-walking. He found various theoretical articles about what could happen to humans, but nothing concrete. There were some cure theories too. Keith went to the kitchen to find an herb that was said to decrease pain. The best thing to do for the person was to ride it out. Keith hated it but it was what Lance needed.

Lance was crying when Keith returned. He had thrown up after the Red Paladin’s departure and was too weak to flush the toilet. Keith explained about the herb’s properties and lowered down the glass of water a la herb. Lance took it willingly, downing almost the whole glass in one swig. The effect was quick. Lance was able to move and support his own weight without too much pain. Keith stood and watched Lance attempt to stand up.

“Help,” Lance rasped, annoyed. Keith hesitated; he pulled Lance up then placed Lance’s arm around his shoulder, snaking an arm around his torso. At the touch of this Lance lost the ability to stand. His legs gave out and he screamed. Keith stood frantic and frozen, unsure and scared.

“Try again… Just not there.”

Why? Keith has carried Lance like that before and there has never been an issue. Keith shrugged it off as an over sensitivity due to the drugs. He picked Lance up bridal-style and carried him over to the bed. It was suggested for him to try and sleep it off. Melatonin or some sort of brain chemical supposedly helps with combating the bad effects. Keith told Lance this as he placed him on the bed, rather abruptly if he was being honest. Lance let out a moan. His eyes were closed and covered by his hands. He was on the tail end of crying. Keith felt Lance’s forehead to check for its temperature and upon finding the result to be highly concerning, told Lance he needed to take his clothes off for sleeping. Lance protested weakly. Tears burned in his eyes. Keith could tell something was wrong with Lance, something that wasn’t the drugs. Lance was trembling more than before ingesting the herb drink. He would not meet Keith’s gaze.

“Lance, it is suggested that you remove your clothes and sleep. You will mostly sweat or breathe out the toxins. If you keep your clothes on you will overheat. They are dirty and have shit on them.” Keith tried to reason. His tone was neutral; commanding. “If you won’t….”

Keith ended the sentence there and let Lance fill in the rest. Lance gave a fearful look to Keith.

“Why are you here anyway Keith? I thought you went to bed. Shouldn’t you go back there instead of dealing with a broken loser like me?” Lance snapped.

“Half insomnia, half because….” Keith dropped his gaze, turning his head away slightly in an attempt to hide the heat melting into his cheeks. “... Well I hate seeing you in pain. And you are not a loser.”

“Yes I am. The whole reason I am like this right now is because I wasn’t being a team player. I was flirting with some aliens and-” A sob broke off the end of Lance’s sentence. He started shaking more. Keith tried to place a soft hand on Lance’s shoulder, instead of standing there like an idiot, but Lance recoiled from the touch. That wasn’t like Lance. Typically Lance initiated contact. He accepts any platonic physical touch.

“Lance…” Keith said softly. “Did something happen?”

The Blue Paladin couldn’t speak but he shook his head.

“How about I get you, er, settled here and then, um, you can maybe tell me?” Keith recognized that Lance obviously was in pain emotionally. He tried his best to sound as empathetic as he felt, hoping he was coming across that way. Keith placed the back of his hand on Lance’s forehead. It was burning. He had to get out of those clothes. But when Keith gently asked, Lance could barely move. Keith suggested running a cool bath to which Lance agreed on the concept but not the execution. Keith decided Lance should see if taking most of his clothes off would help. From there they could decide on the bath. Lance tried unbuttoning his blue collared button up, however, the task was too demanding. He struggled getting the first one undone. Keith was hesitant to offer help but it was needed. He approached the writhing boy on the bed, kneeled on the side.

“Let me,” Keith demanded, harsher than he meant to. He started right away; only got one undone before he found himself on the floor with Lance whimpering soft “No”’s. Keith grumbled. He got back up and gave Lance a frustrated look. It was then when he noticed Lance’s clothes. The top was buttoned unevenly, the pants were wrinkly and Lance’s fly was down. Keith stared a second longer than necessary. Lance’s hair was very much dishevelled. When they all left, Lance had his shirt done up correctly with a tie, tucked in neatly, his pants recently ironed. While it was strange to see the stark differences, Keith brushed it off as Lance’s drugged state not being able to take care of himself. But a part of him nagged at the thought of it being something more.

“Lance, we have to get your temperature down. You can’t do it yourself. Let me.” Keith reasoned.

When Lance didn’t answer, Keith sighed.

“Would rather me grab someone else?” Keith moved to get off the bed but Lance grabbed his wrist.  
“If it… Has to be done… I want you to do it.” Lance’s voice was firm despite the pain. Intense. He was being sincere, Keith knew. Lance told Keith to get it over with. Keith hesitated but climbed up and straddled Lance. His face was definitely red. But this was more professional or friendly. He was helping. Lance tried to repress the crying as Keith unbuttoned his shirt, which probably hurt. Once the shirt was off he moved on to Lance’s pants but the screaming and crying that followed made Keith stop. He got off of Lance; it hurt Keith to see him like this. Lance might cool down with just his shirt on. Keith stood with his arms crossed. Uncomfortable. They waited in a silence that hung heavy in the air. Keith wanted Lance to come forward and talk. He seemed to feel better after a few minutes without his shirt on. Keith examined Lance carefully. He had weird markings all over his torso; a mixture of suction marks and claw or hand marks. Keith couldn’t help but get a closer look and Lance noticed.

“Do they hurt?” Keith inquired.

“Not as much as everything else.”

“Is it better?”

“I can talk so yes… Still feel like shit.” He groaned. Lance stopped crying. He was struggling to keep his eyes open.

“What do you know about their culture?” Lance asked out of nowhere. Keith thought the Cuban had fallen asleep. Keith gave Lance a run down of what he had read. Lance took a deep breath after Keith had finished.

“I got… I got shit faced without… without knowing i-i-i-it,” Lance admitted. He seemed to tense slightly as he spoke. “The aliens kept asking me….. asking about Earth and all these…. weird personal questions and touch-touch-touching me.” Lance choked for a second. “Touching each other. They kept feeding me. Something…. something was in the… in the… in the food. I started losing touch with myself. I barely remember our conversation. The aliens said you guys w-w-w-w-weren’t accepting their offerings and I couldn’t ask you why. I tried compensating. Oh god…” Lance pressed his palms into his eyes. “It’s all...all...all...all my fault…”

“What’s all your fault?” Keith asked blankly. Lance, despite his mental state, face-palmed himself in his head.

“After you left, the group I was with led me upstairs to a-a-a private r-r-r-room…. And… Sorry…” He started crying. Keith wanted to both stay where he was, and embrace him. He did the former. Shifting his weight.

“Take your time.” Keith stated. More out of not knowing what to say.

“They started, I don’t know, I think it was kissing? Anyway, kissing my chest, hence the marks. They laid...laid….laid me down on a-a-a-a-a bed…”

Keith’s stomach dropped. He figured out where this was going.

“And I just froze. I…. was irresponsible and let… let… le.. let people take ad-ad-ad-advantage of me.”

“Wrong.” Keith stated bluntly. “You were vulnerable and not responsible for what happened.”

Keith shut up, realizing he should let Lance talk if he wanted.

“I left after… I’m not sure how long they left me alone… But I had to p-p-p-put my clothes back on....” Lance choked on his own words. He curled into a ball on the bed and let himself cry.

“I’m sorry that happened to you Lance. Thank you for telling me, even if it wasn’t how you planned. I think we need to tell Allura or Coran so they can talk to the aliens.”

Lance immediately objected. His breathing was heavy, like he was trying to get a much air in as possible. “I don’t want to ru-ru-ru-ruin the peace or their alliance.”

This made Keith burn with anger. Not at Lance, but at the situation and that he feels like having these aliens who violated him like us is more important than what he went through.

“Lance they need to know that doing shit like that to humans is not okay. In their culture, consent is different than in ours. If they are going to be on our side, they need to respect our culture too.”

Lance nodded solemnly.

“Can I tell them on my own terms? I know it has to be before we leave, but…” Lance paused to catch his breath. He apologized. “Not right now. I need to get this - the drug and the aftershock - out of my system.”

Keith asked to check him out and Lance said he could. Keith warned him before touching whatever body part, feeling for breaks or abnormalities. Watching to see if Lance winced. There was pain but it was the ongoing pain Lance was feeling due to the drugs in his system. Keith felt Lance’s forehead; Lance giggled. He was going up on a high.

“I’m hot,” Lance said.

“You’re forehead is indeed burning.”

Keith was an arm’s length away. The doped Cuban ruffled Keith’s hair playfully, removing it from his eyes.

“You’re Keith,” Lance said, smiling.

“And you are high,” Keith remarked. He may have gone along and joked but Lance was not improving as much as he should be.

“When you are down from your high, may I take your pants off in order to lower your body temperature?”

“Pffft. Yeah. Do it now Keith!!!! I might try and hit you or kick if I can think straight. So never!” Lance bursted out laughing. While this version of Lance was better on the heart, it wasn’t by much. Lance looked at Keith expectantly once his laughter calmed down.

“That,” Lance said theatrically “was a bisexual joke.”

When Keith didn’t respond, as he did not know how, Lance tugged at his hand.

“Keeeeeith take my pants off. While I hoped we would be doing this for the first time under MUCH different circumstances, I can at least have a mental picture.” Lance smacked his face. “I can’t believe I actually said that!”

Keith was stunned. Lance was high, he couldn’t have meant that, could he? Or was the drugs causing him to not filter his thoughts and speech? Lance liked him??? Or at least lusted for him. Either idea was not being processed for Keith. Lance tapped his fingers on his hips.

“I am not getting any colder Keeeeeeith!”

Keith cleared his throat and stiffly mounted Lance. He sat on Lance’s knees so he couldn’t jab him in the back. Keith averted his eyes away from the freed area. Instead focused on working the pants the rest of the way down. Lance hyperventilated part way through. When done, Keith sat near Lance’s head to assist him with breathing. Lance grabbed onto Keith’s arm tightly. He curled into a ball, his face scrunching up in pain, making Keith heart sink.

“It hurts….” he groaned through gritted teeth. “Keith… please…. Help…”

“H-h-h-h-how?” Keith didn’t know what to do.

“This.. is gonna.. Be weird… especially after… what I said a minute ago... "

Keith motioned for him to go on after he paused to try and catch his breath.

“Hold me?” Lance requested in a whimper that Keith couldn’t refuse. He tensely clambered over Lance to the open spot on the bed. He was still in his day clothes. Lance rolled over when Keith got settled so he could be face-to-face with him. The Latino was still in pain but was becoming tired from it. He lazily looked the other boy in the eyes, a sad look.

“Guess it took me being drugged and helpless for you to get in bed and strip me,” he slurred. Lance cuddled into Keith’s chest; Keith awkwardly wrapped his lanky arms around Lance. Lance nuzzled his head against Keith’s chest. “Aren’t you going to take off your clothes? It could get pretty hot in here.”

Keith told Lance he would be fine. Partially because he was uncomfortable with being exposed like that. With Lance, it would be worse because he liked Lance.

Keith witnessed the rise and fall of symptoms and moods in Lance until the intoxicated boy was asleep. Lance snored in his sleep. Keith felt trapped but it was good. He thought about sleeping next to Lance every night as a thought to help him sleep. Now that it was happening - not the best reason why, but still - Keith wanted to stay up and live every touch and feeling. Eventually he found himself dozing off. Curled up. Comfortable. Content.


	2. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH I wrote two chapters before knowing the name of this so... this is being posted sooner than the others will be XD

Keith woke up before Lance. Naturally; no alarm was going off, he just simply woke up. And it was a good thing. Lance had somehow fallen off of the bed, and therefore out of the covers and Keith’s warm embrace, during the night. Keith immediately sprung out of bed and checked on Lance. He didn’t seem to be in any pain, as he was sleeping away. He was shivering; Lance’s temperature had gone down too far. He shook Lance gently until the Blue Paladin woke up. He was confused about where he was and why Keith was there and why he was on the floor. And questioned why he was freezing. Keith turned on a light, then his stomach churned. Lance’s lips were literally blue. After explaining vaguely what happened the night previous, resulting in Lance remembering and crying, Keith said that the best way to bring Lance’s body temperature up was for him to have a bath. Lance objected to this notion. Heavily.

“Then how can we get your temperature back to normal?” Keith sighed hotly. He made a mental note not to use any demanding authority voice on Lance, as he is not in a good place at the moment. Lance weakly grabbed the pillow, screaming into it until we was sobbing. It broke Keith’s heart. He heard Lance mumble something. Asked for clarification. Lance removed the pillow long enough to get out: “Fucking go start the bath then.”

Keith entered the bathroom. He decided to make it warm instead of hot, since Lance’s body temperature was already so low that the intense heat might cause a burn or a negative reaction. He made sure the bath was good to go before going to fetch Lance. His mind was so fast-paced and worried about Lance that he hadn’t thought about what he was about to do. Until he came back and found Lance unmoved.

“How did you want to do this?” Keith asked guardedly. He tried to sound neutral but he was really hoping that Lance could undress himself. Lance was brought to tears again.

“I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I HATE THIS!” Was Lance trembling or shivering? Keith found his eyes starting to water up.

“Lance, what would make you most comfortable?” Keith softly asked. “Maybe we can start with getting you up off the floor?”

Lance accepted Keith’s help with this task. He decided to sit on his bed and wrapped himself in blankets, hugging his pillow.

“Are you in pain?” Keith asked. No answer. Lance was looking at the floor, crying, but something was off from a few seconds ago. Then the itching started. Lance came back from wherever he went in his mind to find Keith frozen in worry and not knowing what to do.

“Lance? Please stop itching. Maybe the bath will help?”

Lance’s breathing was getting shallower. Keith had to do something.

“Fine.” Lance choked.

“How should we do this?” Keith asked. It was best if Lance controlled the situation.

“Um… I will need help with….” Lance choked on a sob. “Getting ready.” He chose his words carefully. “I need you to be, um, gentle…”

Keith was going to ask about taking off clothes, however given what had happened last night to the Blue Paladin, he worded it creatively. “Any differences between this bath and when you usually take them?”

Lance seemed to smile a little at something Keith said. Perhaps he recognized that Keith re-worded the question to be non-triggering.

“I want to wear something to cover myself,” Lance admitted. Keith nodded.

“Um, are, erm, boxers or whatever okay?”

Lance nodded.

“Where should we place you?” Keith figured it would be too much for Lance to be undressed on the bed. “Should I help you while you sit on the toilet?”

Lance nodded. Keith unwrapped him from his blanket cocoon. Lance said not to carry him by snaking an arm around his torso, like they normally would. Keith did one of the two other ways he knew how to carry people; he fireman-carried Lance into the bathroom. Holy quiznak, he was cold. Together the two boys undid Lance’s shirt and Keith removed the item. When it came to his pants, Keith paused. He watched Lance shut down completely while he removed the pants. When both tasks were completed, and Lance was in nothing except his boxers, Keith helped lower him into the bath. Lance seemed to relax as the warm engulfed most of his body. He seemed to be reviving; Lance’s shivering stopped completely after a while. Keith could tell he was trembling now. Without hesitation, or thinking about how he felt, Keith took his shirt off. Lance eyed him with fear and confusion, more noticeably when Keith removed his pants and threw them into Lance’s room.

“I don’t want you to be the only one exposed. You went through a horrible thing that I can not comprehend. The best I can do is help you with the symptoms of the drug and the assault, while also helping you be comfortable.”

“So you are not trying to have sex with me?” Lance sounded both relieved and rejected at the same time somehow. Keith didn’t know how to answer that. He did have a crush on Lance but this was not the time to be flirting or confessing love. Lance had to be in a good mental state for that. But Keith also didn’t want to lie.

“No, no sex here,” he decided. Terrible but better than anything else he could think of. There was an awkward pause.

Lance started giggling. Another high. His eyes were closed but he kept laughing; why? Keith had no sweet clue. Lance was also crying from the pain. Keith had no idea what to do. He left and grabbed the tablet from the previous night, to check on information. He was mostly curious about how long the drug would stay in Lance’s system. He could help Lance the best once the drug wore off. Then Keith had an idea. Could the healing pods help? He returned to Lance.

“Hey, I have an idea but we would have to consult Coran about it,” Keith said.

“Coran is my favorite uncle,” Lance dreamily sighed.

Keith stared at him, unsure what to make of that statement.

“Is that ok with you?” Keith asked eventually.

“Keith, duuuude,” Lance slurred. “Coran is the chillest bro I know! He won’t try to have sex with me.”

Keith took that as a yes. Lance was obviously really up there. He told Lance that he would be right back. Not wanting to go too far away from Lance, he found the Blue Paladin’s helmet and called the male Altean via the intercom system. Keith hadn’t known what time it was until then; 11:00 AM Earth time. Hopefully the others hadn’t noticed how they were both missing.

“Hello Lance! My dear boy, how are you doing? I barely saw you at the party.” Coran’s cheerful voice came in through the speakers.

“Coran, it’s Keith. Something’s happened. Can you come to Lance’s room?”

“Oh Keith! Sure thing. Is Lance okay?”

Keith didn’t know how to answer that. He told Coran just to come help and then Keith returned to the Blue Paladin. Lance had barely moved. He was almost completely submerged in water, his head the only thing above the water. Keith examined him again. Lance was still in pain. He was trying to cover up his genital area with his legs but the drug was taking its toll on his strength. He asked Lance how comfortable he was with Coran seeing him like this. Lance looked confused.

“Why is Coran coming? I’m having a bath.” Lance proceeded to attempt to grab the soap, but grabbed the shampoo, slathered it all over his arms before Keith could get to him and snatch it out of his hands. Lance giggled like a child.

“He is coming to check you out and see if he knows how to help. Such as getting you into a healing pod.” Keith levelly explained.

“But… what if Coran gets mad?” Lance asked nonchalantly.

“Coran won’t. He cares about you Lance. We all do.”

As if on cue, the door to Lance’s room opened. Coran called, asking if he was good to come in. Hearing Coran so close must have brought Lance down enough because he started hyperventilating.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Lance said in between breaths.

“Lance, you said earlier that it was okay for him to come.” Keith calmly reminded him.

“He isn’t going to hurt me?” Lance almost whispered.

“Lance, he wants to help. Just like how I am. Well, I hope I am helping in some way.”

Lance agreed Coran could come in, as long as Keith let him play with his mullet. Keith sighed, figuring it was a small thing to do in order for Lance to get help from someone more knowledgeable than he. Coran entered, a kit of some sort in his hand.

“Lance, I have been told you needed help. What is going on with you young Paladin?” Coran asked. Lance looked at Keith and gestured to his head. Keith grumbly sat in front of the bath, where Lance could easily play with his hair. He crossed his arms; Lance’s hands started massaging his scalp and Keith would be lying if he claimed it felt bad. Coran looked confused. “What is going on?”

“You tell ‘im” Lance whispered loudly.

“Lance was given some shit at the party and is now on a rollercoaster of emotions. One second he is high, the other he is an emotional mess. The drug or food given causes pain, intense emotional states. Do you know anything that can help Lance?”

Coran admitted that he would like to inspect Lance better. The best place to do so would be the infirmary, however he could manage in Lance’s room. Keith mentioned that Lance probably couldn’t walk without help, a task undertaken previously and was difficult. Keith wondered whether Lance would feel comfortable with Coran examining him. Coran was an alien but Lance knew him. Maybe when he came down from his high, he would be able to reason.

Keith helped the drugged paladin out of the bath. Keith was relieved when feeling Lance’s temperature to be back to normal. Lance whimpered at Keith’s touch but didn’t say anything; Keith wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He splayed Lance out on his bed, where Coran laid some towels. Lance began to cry again which received an odd look from Coran.

“Lance, what’s wrong? I am just seeing what sorts of physiological reactions your body is having. There is relatively no archives about what sort of effect this drug has on humans.”

Lance whimpered something. When he realized the two other boys didn’t hear him, he motioned for Keith to come close. He told Keith to tell Coran he was sensitive to touch.

“Oh, that’s irrelevant,” Coran replied.  
It was now Keith and Lance’s turn to give Coran an odd look. The Altean produced from his coat pocket a small device.

“This device allows me to scan your body without touching you. I just set it on human mode-” Coran tapped the screen a few times. The closest Earth comparison Keith could make was that it looked like a speedometer that cops have, except high tech. “-and then I scan Lance.”

“Why did I have to move?” Lance softly asked.

“Water interferes with its scanning function,” Coran explained.

Lance asked Keith to fetch a blanket for him and Keith obliged. He covered Lance with a blanket. Was it bad that the way Lance snuggled into the blanket made Keith have butterflies in his stomach?

“Alrighty Lance, the machine will just be a minute.”

Lance wiped a few tears away.

“Coran? Before you, uh, get the results-” Lance was breathing heavy while talking “-I think you need to know-”

Lance’s voice was at a squeak. He couldn’t find the strength to finish. Luckily, Keith realized what Lance wanted; he asked him if he wanted Keith to tell Coran the rest. Lance just nodded. If there were any alien sexually transmitted diseases, they would pop up on the scan.

“Go outside, though,” Lance’s voice cracked. Keith’s stomach twisted, an anger now filling him. He hated that this happened to Lance. No one deserves to be violated in the way Lance was. He was distraught, which was valid, and it was obviously taking a lot of energy out of him. Lance needed rest. He needed a break; Keith, in trying to help Lance probably overstimulated him in the process. While what he did was needed, he also needed to realize the toll it was taking on Lance.

Keith told his fellow Paladin that they would be in Keith’s room for privacy, but to contact them via their helmets if needed. Lance agreed.

Once in Keith’s room - Keith had put his clothes on before leaving - Coran politely asked Keith what was going on. Keith asked Coran what he knew about the planet’s social norms and understandings about consent. Coran was knowledgeable, as Keith expected. Keith then asked what he knew about what proper consent on Earth was. Coran also knew that. Keith explained from his point of view, what happened. Finding Lance at the party. Going for a walk. Trying to sleep. Giving up on sleep; Coran tried to interrupt, however Keith kept talking before the Altean could question Keith’s health. Keith told Coran about finding Lance sick in the bathroom. A summary of Lance’s assault story. Keith was not sure how to classify what happened; it was either assault or rape. Either way, both are traumatic and horrible, and should never happen to anyone. Coran’s confusion turned into sadness and empathy throughout the conversation. Keith explained up until Coran came in. The Altean was speechless, a rare feat for him. Alteans apparently were very clear about what consent was and what was sexual violence. They had low rates in Coran’s time. When silence filled the room, Keith asked him if the results were in regarding Lance’s body scan. Coran looked; Keith understood what it said. They returned to Lance to deliver the news.

The Cuban looked asleep when they entered, however, his eyes flashing to Keith revealed his true state of alertness. Lance let out a raspy cry for Keith. The Blue Paladin was down from his high.

“Keith? I know- I know you don’t really like- like physical contact, but-but-but can you, um, sit on the bed with me and-with-with- with me and hold me?”

Little did he know that Keith had dreamt about cuddling with Lance. He definitely dreamed that they would be under different circumstances. But Keith appreciated Lance asking for what he needed, as well as getting into physical contact and affection. Going at Lance’s rate, Keith would love to help him feel safe being touched.

Keith awkwardly plopped himself on the bed. He asked about what would be best, very unsure of the best way. Lance got him to sit with his back against the wall, cross-legged. Lance sat next to Keith, curled up in his blanket. Only his head and hands could be seen. Keith felt empathy. Lance hugged his pillow close to him under the blanket. It reminded Keith of a shield.

“So, Lance. One thing I noticed without the scanner was the marks all over your chest. Those, along with the similar ones on the rest of your body, can easily be healed by the Pods. You have bruises on certain parts of your body. Any parts that were in contact with ‘Aliens’ may feel weird sensations for the next few days. For humans those are normal. If it lasts longer than a week, come see me again. You do not have any infections or alien diseases, which would have been tough to treat. You will probably be sore from straining your body.”

Coran took a break for Lance to process the information so far. He leaned into Keith; the half-Galran patted the Cuban’s head lightly. Lance shot him a look of utter confusion. Keith awkwardly apologized. What should he do? Lance would probably be overwhelmed by intimate touches. It would shock him too; Keith was not one to express intimacy, especially through touch. He settled for tenderly scratching the tips of his fingers over the other boy’s scalp. Lance melted a little to the touch.

“Is this okay?” Keith sternly asked.

“Much better than the tapping,” Lance retorted, a smirk brushing by his face. Lance got into the motion. Keith made sure not to do anything besides what he was, out of fear that it would trigger Lance. Coran asked him if he was ready for part two. Lance nodded simply.

“The drug used was-” a strange assortment of sounds came out of Coran’s mouth “-which has a long cycle in Alteans. We do not have any information about how it will affect humans but I assume it to be similar.”

“As long as I’m high, I can’t feel anything,” Lance mumbled. Coran didn’t hear but Keith sure as hell did. Lance looked up when Keith momentarily stopped his caress, begging for Keith to keep quiet.

“You may feel drastic mood changes. Once it has finished its course, it would be best that we pop you in the Cryopod again. Pidge has made an upgrade to help treat Shiro’s PTSD and we can do the same for you.”

Coran was barely done his talk before Lance was protesting.

“NO!” He gravelly yelled, ripping away from Keith. “NO! I WILL NOT. NO ONE ELSE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS! I DO NOT ASK FOR YOUR HELP!”

“You yelling is surely keeping this a secret,” Keith sneered. He realized what he said when Lance recoiled. Lance attempted to move away from Keith and to the other side of the bed. Unfortunately the drug was screwing with his spatial awareness; Coran caught him just in time. Unfortunately, the unexpected touch caused Lance to lash out, swatting, kicking, and screaming. Coran gently placed the boy on to the floor and backed away for his own safety.

“Lance, the team needs to know at least that you were drugged,” Coran started. Keith picked up that the Altean was not looking at Lance directly and was blinking more. His voice, while confident, quivered slightly. “They will surely notice that you are not feeling well, and want to know because they care about you. They probably have realized that you were not at breakfast or lunch. They love you and care about your wellbeing. We have to tell them that.”

Lance tried to get up but, due to the drug in his system, couldn’t get up. Or maybe he couldn’t get up without unwrapping the blanket.... Keith didn’t question him about it. He struggled some more before getting exasperated.

“ASSHOLES! HELP ME UP GODDAMNIT!” He cried. He was done kicking and hitting.

Keith jumped off of the bed. He sat on the floor next to Lance, waiting for his crush to instruct him how to help best. Keith softly asked what Lance wanted him to do; Lance told him to just transport him from the floor to the best. Keith picked the burritoed boy up into a fireman’s carry and placed him down on the bed. Coran tapped Keith’s shoulder while Lance was distracted by figuring out his blanket situation. The Altean said he would be leaving after his report to get the Cryopod ready for Lance, and that Keith needed to prepare Lance for it. Which meant Keith would be putting the suit on Lance. He did think putting clothes ON Lance will be less awkward and upsetting. Possibly a bit humiliating and infantilizing for Lance. Lance huffed, which was a reaction to the trio’s conversation and to signify he was ready. He was sitting up, only his head and fingertips visible.

“May I continue?” Coran asked and Lance told him to proceed. “I will let you know that I am trained in Altean psychological services and may be able to help you through finding healthy coping mechanisms.”

He paused, then told Lance to consider it.

“Now, last thing Lance and then I will be going. I need to ask this because it is important.” Another small pause to let it sink in. Meanwhile Keith was standing next to the bed, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He wanted to give Lance some physical space.

“Are you going to be a danger to yourself or others?”

That was a curveball for Keith. He couldn’t wrap his head around Lance doing anything bad intentionally. To himself or others.

“Why would you even ask that?” Lance snipped at him. Coran levelly looked at Lance.

“That’s not a straight answer.”

Lance bursted out laughing after a long pause and staring contest with the Altean. But it wasn’t his normal laugh. It was more loose. The laugh that Keith learned was only done when Lance was getting high or is already there.

“Nothing ABOUT me is straight, Coran!” Lance laughed so hard, it sent him into a coughing fit. Coran sighed with the disappointment of a friend after someone made a bad pun/joke. Keith almost choked on air.

Once all of this is over, and Lance is sober and has healed, we shall talk about this fact, Keith thought to himself.

“Great to know Lance. But you are dodging the question. Are you a harm to yourself or others. Be it intentional or not.”

Lance’s gaze fell to meet Coran’s.

“Yeah,” Lance casually said. Keith stood up straight, uncrossing his arms. At attention. Did Lance mean that or was it the drugs talking?

“Alright then. We will have someone watch you-”

“Coran, Lance is on a high! What if he is lying because it’s funny to him like this?” Keith interrupted.

“If I was lying,” Lance’s voice was steady but also relaxed and nonchalant “wouldn’t I be laughing?”

Keith’s stomach dropped.

“As I was saying,” Coran interjected “You will need to be watched. At least until you are sobered up. Are there members who you feel comfortable with? They may have to help you change…”

Lance curled into his ball more, which Keith didn’t know was possible.

“Keith’s pretty. He has basically seen me naked-” Lance’s sentence was cut off by a sob; he started crying again. Coran waited patiently for Lance to continue, which he did through the sobs. Keith’s mind couldn’t wrap around Lance calling him pretty, but focused on Lance. Was there anything he could do for him?

“Shiro would probably be good too… I don’t want Pidge or Allura because they’re not boys. If they could watch me during chill times, maybe? But Pidge can’t support me physically...” Lance trailed off in thought.

“What about Hunk? Or Myself?”

Lance sat back into a more relaxed position, the wall supporting him.

“Hunk’s my best friend. I do not want him doing…. Personal care.” Lance said the last part slowly, testing out the language on his tongue.

“I understand. Would you like to be present when we tell them?” Coran was calm, despite everything had done up to this point. Keith, in Coran’s position, would have been pissed. He had lost his temper earlier. Hopefully when looking after Lance, he won’t do it again.

“... Can I think about it?”

“It has to be before you go into the Cryopod. Which we are doing right after this."  
“Can I decide at the Cryopod?

“Sure,” Coran sounded tired and empathetic. Lance needed time to think.

“For transporting, I think it best if I grab the gurney and Lance can roll onto it?” Coran suggested. Lance agreed, since being carried was a lot for him, and he had already been through that multiple times within the past 12 hours. With that, Coran left. Lance looked to Keith, his relaxed demeanor still in place. He giggled while asking Keith if he would be assisting in putting on the suit. Keith said that if needed, he would have to. Unless Lance wanted Keith to call Shiro or someone. The suit was sent to Keith via tiny robot. He watched Lance struggle to get it on UNDER the blanket. The drugged boy wailed in defeat, shaking. Keith stood at the foot of the bed, concerned.

“What’s up?” He asked, hoping that he sounded concerned and inviting.

“I don’t WANT your help,” Lance was crashing from his high “but I NEED it. And I just..” Lance screamed into the suit, which blocked the noise from being too loud. “I don’t want you… touching me like that.”

“What would you prefer?”

Lance thought for a second, tears streaming down his face.

“I want you to - want you to - you to - oh god - gag m-m-m-me so I don’t scream loudly, and-” he sniffled “put the suit - the suit - on me. First gag. Then b-b-b-b-blanket. Then suit.”

Keith found the idea to be weird; not necessarily what it entailed but HIM gagging LANCE? He hated this whole scene, seeing Lance so forcibly vulnerable and scared and upset. But he did it anyway. He found a clean sock from Lance’s drawer, hovered it near his mouth until it was taken by Lance. He asked for Lance to blink two times if he wanted Keith to go slow or blink five if he wanted Keith to do it fast. Lance blinked three times, tears escaping. Keith took that as not super slow but also not too fast. He got to work removing the blanket. Keith had forgotten briefly that Lance was still only in his underwear. Lance’s knees were up to his chest and it took a lot of effort to slide the suit up his legs like that. The Cuban did scream and cry during the process, but it was more in surprise and sensitivity to being touched than one to signal that he was in pain. Keith asked Lance to roll over so he could get it over his butt; Lance did so. This time, he screamed as if Keith was killing him. The red paladin did that part as quickly as half-galrany possible. He got Lance to sit up, helping him do so. Lance was able to put his arms in, then Keith zipped it up.

“All done,” He said, relieved. He took the sock out of Lance’s mouth. “Now we wait for Coran to come back with a stretcher. Would you like your blanket back on you?”

Lance nodded. He laid down on the bed as Keith put the blanket in a good position. Lance directed Keith to place himself anywhere except the bed and Keith opted for against the opposite wall to Lance’s bed. Minutes passed by and Keith heard Lance snoring lightly.

Good, Keith thought, Lance deserves rest.

A soft knock on the door roused Keith from is daydreaming while staring at the sleeping boy. He answered it immediately. Hunk greeted him, a worried expression replaced by surprise to see Keith, not Lance, answer.

“Oh! Hey Keith. Where is Lance?”

Keith had the door open wide enough to fit his face through; Hunk was trying to look beyond Keith.

“He had a rough night,” an understatement “and is sleeping. He has a few bruises and whatnot from the party that Coran is setting up a healing pod for. I’m helping him transport Lance, since he is asleep.”

“Oh… Why weren’t any of us told this?”

“Because Coran didn’t want possibly drugged or hungover people to be helping. I did not have any of the food from last night, unlike some people.” Keith clapped back. Hunk simply nodded, told Keith to fetch him when Lance was out of the pod, and went on his merry way. Just in time, as Keith caught a glimpse of Coran returning with a gurney. They were careful to load Lance on without disturbing him. Once Lance was snoozing on the gurney, Coran and Keith moved him to the med bay. They let him sleep for ten minutes before Keith gently shook him awake. Lance groggily opened his eyes, a fleeting look of bliss on his face.

“Lance, have you decided on an answer?”

“Tell them when I’m not there,” Lance whispered. Keith heard and so he relayed the answer to Coran. The Altean and half-Galran assisted in bringing Lance from the gurney to the pod. Lance shook; he was visibly holding back whatever response he actually had to the situation. Keith was able to relax once Lance was unconscious in the pod. He could get some more, well needed, rest.

Coran and him went to the dinner table. Coran told Keith on the way there that he sent Shiro to grab the others for lunch. When they entered, the others were already in attendance.

“Where’s Lance?” Pidge asked. Everyone had food goo in front of them but no one had begun eating.

“He’s in a healing pod. He is experiencing some alien, party, and drug related injuries. He may not be in a good mood after exiting the Healing Pod and is very sore.” Coran answered. Keith wouldn’t have been able to answer without showing how distressed he was by the state Lance was in. “If Lance wants to talk about it, he will. But until that point, no one ask specifics. Due to the drugs unknowingly taken, he is sensitive to touch. Do not touch him unless he initiates it, the touch is for his own personal safety, or the safety of others.”

Everyone started eating their food goo.

“What kinds of injuries does he have? Can we go see him?” Pidge asked amongst the goo consumption.

“Well, the drug makes him weak and not able to really hold his own weight. He is the first human I know of to take the drug, so effects may vary. I suspect that it would be similar to an Altean.” Coran was letting his guard down now. Slowly but surely; his facial expression dropped, he slouched in his chair, picked at his food instead of eating it. He told the group that in injuries should mostly heal. Lance will need help with personal care and the only people he wanted were Shiro and Keith.

“You need to consult Lance regarding visitors. He is not going to be feeling good for a while.”

Keith wondered how much time Coran equated to ‘a while’. Lance had a long road of healing ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! I am not sure how many chapters this is going to be. Go check out my other fanfics, I have a few more Voltron fics. If you have any requests, let me know!


	3. Aftercare

The team stayed on Onyx for a few days, despite what had happened to Lance. Only Keith and Coran knew about the assault, but Allura and Coran were the members in charge of diplomacy efforts and they needed more time. Allura and Coran, sometimes Shiro, would go down to talk with the leaders of the planet in more detail regarding their role in the Coalition. Lance had stayed in his room for the time being and no one questioned it. Pidge and Hunk brushed it off as Lance being sick. He would let people in if they had food or for when he needed help with something. Other than those specific qualifications he wanted to be alone. No matter how much the team hated it, they respected his boundaries.

Pidge and Hunk were utterly distraught; they had tried coaxing him or just talking to Lance but he would not have any of it. On the third day on Onyx, Lance was livid. He was constantly fluctuating between angry and depressed due to either the trauma or the drugs or both. Keith didn’t know. But Shiro had been helping with personal care of some sort. Whatever happened, Keith was called to Lance’s room by Shiro. Upon arrival, Keith heard a terrible scream coming from inside. He opened the door to find Shiro pinning Lance down while the blue Paladin was screaming and thrashing from underneath. Shiro ordered Keith to take over. The switch was difficult and Lance was not gentle. Keith was frozen on top. Stuttering, trying to ask Lance what happened. Being a bit too harsh, if he was being honest. From what Lance managed to say Keith figured that it was time for a bath and Shiro had gone to take Lance’s clothes off without asking. Given Shiro didn’t know what happened, that was more excusable. He should have asked either way, but he probably was not thinking about that. When Shiro returned, he sedated Lance and the boys left the room when Lance was out cold. Keith hated it.

Lance seemed only, for some reason, to calm down when Keith was around. He absolutely shrunk when Keith had to help with personal care. While the healing pod helped with the physical injuries, the drugs made him weak and shaky. Keith respected Lance’s boundaries; if taking a bath in his clothes was the only way he would, then Keith wouldn’t fight Lance on that. Keith heard, from both Lance and Coran, that Shiro had not been as accommodating. Not that Shiro would force him to do anything, moreso Lance would have to often do things on his own that tired him out. Shiro would get him into bed after and leave, taking a break himself.

Two nights after they left Onyx, Lance finally seemed to be filtering out the drug. Unfortunately, that meant a day spent in his bathroom vomiting, while Keith and Shiro kept him hydrated. Coran and Allura helped; apparently IV’s were less invasive for Alteans, as it was a simple patch on the skin hooked up to a container of water. They were to keep an eye on him in shifts. Keith, Hunk, Coran, and Shiro all had shifts, but Keith hung out because he didn’t have anything better to do. Keith mostly read. He stayed on Lance’s desk chair outside the bathroom, answering the few requests Lance had. Keith didn’t mind. In space, there was not much else to do.  
Keith had been sleeping with his helmet next to him in case Lance needed him. During the nights, they slept in their own rooms. Lance’s helmet once detected a nightmare, alerting both Shiro and Keith. Keith had woken up Lance, who shoved him off and screamed profanities at him.

Lance woke up the third day post-Onyx feeling healthy. His mood was stable and he could finally think without fear of it being said out loud. He thought about what had happened to him. He thought too much. He felt limbs and tongues and suctions and burns and good feelings and bad feelings. He wanted nothing more than to shrink or to jump out of his body. But he heard someone speaking to him. A familiar voice.

“Lance!” It was Hunk. No, Hunk can’t see Lance like this. He felt a hand press against his shoulder and suddenly his fist hurt. Lance’s eyes snapped open to reveal Hunk holding his arm in pain. What did Lance do?

Keith entered a few minutes later. Hunk had left but Lance didn’t realize until Keith’s violet eyes were making contact with his. Keith did not look happy. Coran entered after. He had the medical tablet Lance knew very well.

“Lance, do you know what you just did?” Keith levelly asked. Lance’s eyes started watering up. He put the pieces together. He hurt Hunk.

“I, um… I’m sorry-” Lance hid under the covers to block Keith from seeing him cry. Keith had seen Lance do that a lot over the past few days.

“Tell us what happened,” Keith demanded more than ask. Lance explained how Hunk had went in for a hug, but he touched somewhere Lance didn’t like and he didn’t even think about it. Keith told him Hunk was fine, but they are worried about this happening again or to a greater extent. Lance told them that he wanted Hunk, Pidge, and Allura to be filled in about his situation. But Kance couldn’t do it on his own. He didn’t even know if he could tell them, now that the drug was out of his system. It inhibited his ability to hold in thoughts. It swallowed anxieties and replaced it with nonchalance. Lance was more confident, he could be honest.

Keith said he would arrange something for after their trip to the space mall. Coran stepped in. Due to the drug not being used on humans before, Coran wanted to run some post-filtered tests. Keith left for this. Coran also wanted Lance to go back into the cryopod. Keith returned with a cryosuit and with Pidge. They had food in their hands for Lance. Coran told him to eat up and get changed. The Altean and human left, leaving Keith and Lance alone. Keith watched Lance eat. He was relieved. Lance went to the bathroom to put on the cryosuit. Keith escorted him to the medical bay. Lance recalled the fact that he was on watch now.

Keith sighed when Lance went to sleep inside the pod. He sat on the ground, the weight of everything settling in suddenly. The past few days he had been focused on Lance, what Lance needed. His insomnia hadn’t gone away, which he kept busy by checking in on Lance or researching. Or journaling.

“Hey there,” Shiro said from the door. Keith whipped around.

“Hey Shiro,” Keith yawned. Shiro came down to where Keith was, offering a drink. Keith took the cup, holding it without consuming.

“Coran told me you have been working very hard to help Lance. I wanted you to know that it didn’t go unnoticed.”

“I don’t need thanks. Lance went through shit. It may change how he views himself. Turn his worldview upside down. He needs to learn how to trust again. Until he starts showing significant recovery, I will help out however I can.”

Shiro gave him a pointed look. “Even if that entails not sleeping?”

Keith swore in his head. So... Shiro knew.

“Does Coran know? That I have had some near-sleepless nights?”

Keith downed his drink in one go. It was strawberry flavored something, but with little tiny pieces of something Keith couldn’t recognize.  
“Yes. If you want to help, you need to rest.”

“What if I don’t wanna?” Keith was slurring his words. His tongue felt suddenly too heavy to lift. Shiro turned into two Shiros. Keith blinked and rubbed his eyes. Shiro offered his hands to help Keith stand up. They barely made it to the door when Keith had to be supported fully by Shiro.

“Didyooodrugmeee?” Keith slurred. He stubbornly tried to keep his eyes open and awake. Fighting off whatever was given to him was proving to wear him out more. “Wha-abow-Lanzz?” 

“Yes we gave you a sedative. Stop fighting it. Let yourself sleep. Pidge said they would watch you while you slept. I can look after Lance.”

Keith vaguely saw his room. He was placed onto his bed, shoes taken off, tucked in. Pidge had their computer and monitors, working away. Shiro left after securing Keith. The half-Galran gave up and left himself be taken by slumber.

Keith took a while to fully wake up. His anger was mostly what helped him roll out of bed, stumble to grab his jacket, and zombie walk to where he suspected everyone would be. As he entered the dining room, all eyes turned to him. Keith was surprised to see Lance there. Mostly because he didn’t realize how long he was unconscious for.

“Hello Keith. Will you have a seat?” Allura greeted warmly. Keith managed to plop himself into a chair without seeming too tired. Food was placed in front of him by Hunk. Keith and Lance were sitting across from each other; Keith analyzed Lance. He was staring at his food, not really touching it. Mostly stirring it around, then taking small bites once in a while. Next to Lance was Coran, then Pidge. On Keith’s side, he was next to Hunk, and Shiro was at the end. Allura sat at the head of the table.

“We need to talk about a few things as a Team.” Shiro started. “Some of us,” he looked at Lance, “would like to share some information-”

“I told you not to include me in this,” Lance mumbled. Shiro’s expression wavered.

“-and some of us need to talk about an issue that has apparently been going on for a while.”

Shiro looked at Keith. Oh god, Keith thought, Shiro is going to try and cure his insomnia.

“Lance, Keith, who would like to start?”

Keith looked to Lance. He was not looking up from his barely touched food. Keith looked at Shiro.

“How about we talk about how you gave me a sedative without my permission?” Keith spat at Shiro.

“Keith, you need sleep to function,” Shiro sounded apologetic. “I understand that was not the best approach but if you refuse to get help, then we take matters into our own hands.”

Lance suddenly jumped up from the table and briskly exited the room. Shiro, Coran and Keith all exchanged glances before Coran got up and ran after Lance. Pidge, Hunk and Allura kept silent, watching this all take place without asking any questions. Their eyes and expressions said it all. Worry. Confusion.

“Oh great Shiro, now Lance was made uncomfortable.” Keith sneered. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do. We are in fucking space! How the hell do expect me to treat my insomnia out here, hmm?” Keith paused. He just admitted to them that he had insomnia. This only fueled his anger. They should be focusing on LANCE, not him. Lance needed all the support he wants. Shiro and Coran deciding to out himself and Lance like this was not okay. Sometimes interventions were needed, but what was happening currently wasn’t okay. Lance specifically asked them to tell the others without him in the room. Keith didn’t even want the group to know about his issue with sleeping. “There, I said it. Are you happy? I have been dealing with this for years. You never noticed at the Garrison. You haven’t noticed while we have been a part of Voltron. I have been functioning fine. But now… you go against Lance’s direct wishes, and for what? What did you expect to happen? Lance doesn’t need to see that people within his own damn group of friends have the capacity to drug him whenever. And that’s what you showed.”

With that, Keith stormed out with his food. He decided after getting to his room that he needed to let off some steam. He didn’t want to be around the crew, so decided on training. He really needed to punch something that wasn’t someone’s face.

Keith destroyed every robot that came after him. He felt bad about how much he wrecked the robots, but it did help him blow off some steam. He had started cleaning up when the swoosh of the door brought his attention away from the mess he made. He crossed his arms and waited for Shiro to talk first.

“I, uh, came here to apologize,” Shiro meekly said. He was twisting a finger from his robot hand in circles.

“Shiro, you’re going to twist your finger off. And I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” Keith levelly said. Shiro immediately stopped the nervous tick.

“I know I messed up… And I apologized to Lance before I came here. Coran was with Lance doing some breathing exercises and meditation. I just…”

Shiro went and sat down on one of the benches on the wall near the entrance. Keith reluctantly joined him. The older man had his head in his hands.

“I am supposed to be the leader of Voltron and be the one who knows what to do. But they never taught us how to deal with any of this at the Garrison. I’m sure it happened at the Garrison but no one really talked about it. And I just..” Shiro sighed, “I don’t know what to do. I wanted to talk about what to do with the group, but we both know how THAT went.”

“It would have gone differently if you actually respected Lance’s wishes.” Keith pointed out. 

“I wanted him there so he could advocate for himself.” Shiro ran his robot hand through his hair. “I wanted him to be able to tell his story the way he wanted it.”  
“He chose not to. He chose that we tell them what happened. If we do it wrong, a part of that is on Lance for not doing it himself.” Keith waited for Shiro to say something else before moving on to his other point. “As for what you did with me… that wasn’t okay.”

“You need help. Again, I don’t know how to help someone with insomnia or sexual assault. But I feel the need to do something. As your friend and the Black Paladin.”

“The best thing to do is talk with us. Consult with us. We don’t need you making decisions. Especially me. I’ve been dealing with this for a while. I can function. Lance, however, is not functioning. We need to focus on him and what he wants to do and his needs.”

Shiro looked at him in a way that Keith knew exactly what it meant. Shiro was grateful for their conversation and for Keith’s input. He learned something.  
“We should try again. This time, Lance will not be in attendance, and I will not reveal any information unless told to. The only exception is if any of you become a harm to yourselves or someone else.”

“If we keep going against Lance’s wishes, he will become more of a harm to himself and less likely to reach out for help.” Keith stated.

“Can you go talk to him? Coran is helping but.. I don’t know Keith, for some reason, Lance seems to be at his best when you are there.”

Keith laughed out loud.

“Yeah. It’s cause’ he thinks I don’t like him. I don’t express feelings usually. I gained his trust while he was on the rollercoaster of a drug that the Onyxians gave him.”  
Shiro was the one to chuckle.

“Oh Keith… you never were able to tell when you liked someone or they like you,” Shiro said. Keith rolled his eyes.

“Not appropriate Shiro.”

“Alright, I’ll back off,” Shiro sighed while standing up. “Can we go see if the others are still at the dinner table? Coran doesn’t need to be there when we tell everyone.”

Keith agreed, saying he wanted to shower first. This could give Shiro time to round up the crowd. Keith headed one his merry way towards his room. He decided to check up on Lance before having his shower to see how he was doing. Lance was working with Coran on breathing techniques and listening to some music Coran was playing from a tablet. Keith recognized it as being from Earth. He breathed in deep before heading to the shower.

Keith dried off somewhat and returned to the dining room. Everyone minus Coran and Lance were there. Keith sat down across from Shiro, waited for him to begin the conversation. Hunk and Pidge were waiting in anticipation. 

“OK gang, so… we need to tell you about what happened on Onyx.”

Shiro began to explain about the party and the people of Onyx’s social norms. He explained about their food and how some are drugs that that Onyxians can take and be fine. Humans probably have never been. Lance somehow wasn’t told about the drugs, and no one knew that it would affect humans. The group honestly knew little about it. That Lance was in a vulnerable state of mind, didn’t know he was being fed drugs, what that meant in the Onyxian society. Shiro paused, gathering himself together. He looked at Keith for guidance.

“Lance was sexually assaulted. There’s no way to sugar coat it.”

Pidge gasped and the color drained from their face. Hunk brought a hand to his chest and looked stricken. Allura put her head in her hands.

“He needs us to support him while he heals.” Shiro continued. Keith didn’t know where to go from where he had left off “He may be sensitive to touch. Be careful about what you say as to not trigger him.”

Hunk asked if he could go talk to Lance, if he wanted friends. Shiro told him that it was up to Lance.

“Moving forward, the pods have some ability to help with neurochemical stuff. As you all know, I have used it for helping my PTSD. It may help Lance process what happened and come to terms in a healthy manner.”

Everyone sat in silence.

“How can we, as a team, help Lance? I mean, we can’t just act like nothing happened.” Pidge broke the silence.

“We should try to desensitize him to touch,” Allura suggested. The others agreed except Keith.

“What exactly happened to him? How many aliens were there?” Hunk asked. It seemed like genuine curiosity but it still wasn’t great questions.

“Why do you wanna know?” Keith snapped at Hunk. Hunk looked as if Keith had just punched him in the face.

“I… Uh… Want to know how bad it is. Would he feel comfortable with multiple people in the room?”

“Then ask that instead. You don’t need Lance to spill all the details.”

A call came in for Keith; Coran requested he come immediately. While Keith wanted to stay and advocate for Lance the best he could, Coran sounded as if he needed help.

When he got to the room, he recognized Lance was having a panic attack. He was sitting against his bed on the ground. Coran was halfway across the room, frozen; upon seeing Keith he looked relieved. Keith approached Lance. He was hyperventilating and shaking. His eyes were closed. Rocking. Keith gently asked if Lance could hear him, to which Lance simply nodded. Keith asked if he could touch him on the shoulder. Lance nodded again. He was trying to hold back tears. Keith firmly grabbed his shoulder.

“Lance, focus. On me, on my voice. Breathe in time with me,” Keith exaggerated his breathing. Lance couldn’t focus. Keith saw how his eyes kept darting from Keith chest to himself and various other body parts. Keith asking if he could place Lance’s hand somewhere, he agreed with a nod. Keith, who usually has an aversion to touch, brought Lance’s hand up to his chest and held it there. Keith tried his best to repress the embarrassment and indicators of it. Lance closed his eyes, head down. Eventually Lance synced his breathing with Keith’s. His shaking slowly stopped. He dropped his hand away and Keith retreated his touches. The two boys sat on the ground in silence, Lance just breathing with his eyes closed. Keith waited for any feedback from his fellow paladin.

“Thanks,” Lance hoarsely said.

“We told the others about what happened.” Keith blurted out. Lance was better now, and this was a topical point of conversation. Mostly Keith didn’t know what else to say and he regretted his decision. He waited for an escalation that never came. Lance solemnly nodded.

“Lance, my dear boy,” Coran spoke. He had been quiet the whole time Keith was there. “Is it okay if we keep a log of your triggers?”

“I’m not some patient. I’m Lance. You don’t need to be so stuffy.” Lance pushed himself away from Keith. “I know you are trying to help but what I need most is time alone. I can handle this all by myself.” Lance marched over to the door and gestured for them to leave.

“There are some things you can do on your own. I’m sorry if we are making you feel inferior Lance, it’s just that we want to be safe people for you to be around.”

“If it wasn’t for the drugs I probably wouldn’t have told you. I’m not entirely sure I processed what happened to me. Because you all. Keep. fucking. Trying. To fix me when I don’t even know what needs fixing. Or what I need help fixing.”

Coran sighed, went to leave, but stopped at the door.

“I’m sorry Lance… If you need anything, please let us know.”

“I need-” Lance huffed. He looks tired but angry. “-to know that you won’t fucking drug me if I am too much for you. Maybe talk to Shiro about what HE needs help with.”

Coran wiped a tear as he left. Lance’s gaze settled on Keith, who was sitting shocked on the floor.

“What have you been doing Keith? You don’t even like me.”

Oh, if only Lance knew how untrue that statement was.

“We have been butting heads for years and it takes me being assaulted for you to show some compassion and that deep, far far down, you apparently care. What the hell?!”

Keith’s eyes stung and his muscles tensed up. Lance crossed his arms and stood impatiently.

“I’m waiting..?”

“Oh, you actually want an answer?” Keith asked genuinely. He thought the question was rhetorical.

“Yes. What the hell dude?”

“Look,” Keith relaxed his body a bit, as to not come off as defensive. “I have always cared about you Lance. I teased you and all that because… well because I felt intimidated by you. You were so good at everything and I just… Being a perfectionist and super competitive meant that I also was a dick.”

“Yeah… you were….” Lance’s tone was soft now. Which was weird for Keith. He was expecting Lance to continue his passionate and angry tone and expression. But he seemed to be melting.

“If you hate me so much, why was I the only one you trusted to help you with shit like using the bathroom and bathing? Hmmm???” Keith was suddenly flustered. Did Lance really not like him?

“It was because I thought you didn’t care… But apparently you do… right?” Lance’s voice was between a whisper and a mumble, Keith was just able to hear it. Lance hadn’t been making eye contact with him, but in this moment requested it with his eyes. Keith stared into eyes he often thought of as a good place to get lost in, spending some mental energy on staying present.

“Yeah…” Keith’s enraged tone melted away. “I do care. I care about everyone here… You are all like my family…”

Lance suddenly moved and gestured to the door. He was blinking rapidly now, eyes downcast, and kept wiping his face.

“I need you to go now… I… I need to spend some time alone…”

Keith somberly rose from his position and left. But not before catching that Lance was crying.

The following day, Keith was training when he overheard a conversation in the hall. He had gone to breakfast that morning; it was just himself and Allura, sitting and eating without talking.Allura asked one thing as Keith got up to leave, what he was planning on doing during the day, and Keith told her that if needed he would be either in the training room or in his room. He had been practicing hand-to-hand combat with his blade. He definitely needed to improve on it. When he heard the faint voices, he approached the door so he could hear better. It was Allura and Coran.

“Do you think Lance needs to take a break from being a Paladin? Would it be too much stress?” Allura asked Coran. “Trauma works differently in humans”

“Well, Princess, what I think is that Lance needs to get back on routine. I read that humans like that. Taking him out of what is normal for him would do more damage than good. Lance needs to be included in activities.” Coran replied. Keith liked that Coran shared similar ideas to him, and was doing research to help Lance. “I do think he needs regular healing pod treatments to stabilize his moods.”

“Agreed. Rather, it would help him regulate his moods better.”

“Right,” Coran sheepishly said. “I need to work on terminology.”

Keith hoped they would do this with Lance’s approval. He really hated having to defend Lance from his friends.

“How are the others holding up?” Allura asked Coran. Coran sighed. Keith poked his head around and saw that the older Altean had a tablet with notes. Was he taking notes on the team?

“Pidge is quite upset. Mostly angry. Not at Lance, but at what Lance went through and that he is hurting. They currently are trying to make a device that can identify whoever attacked Lance, while also trying to make tweaks to the healing pods to help him. Hunk is helping them with that. He seems to be distraught and unsure how to help. Shiro, as you know, is trying to come up with a plan for Lance. He is worried about the entire team. I’ve been making sure that everyone is eating and getting their basic needs met.” Coran reported. His voice didn’t have it’s usual energy to it and his hair was ruffled. Keith had never seen Coran like this.

“And Keith?” Allura asked. She was wearing pajamas and didn’t have her hair done at all. Keith knew how much the Princess liked to look regal, even when it was just the Voltron team hanging out.

“Keith… well he seems to be a mixed bag, so to speak.”

What the hell did that mean?

“He seems to be very passionate about helping Lance and his protective. But at the same time, he is closed off. And Keith has done some out-of-character things, such as letting Lance be physically comforted by him.”

Allura gasped. She asked for clarification and Coran told her about when they did the body scan for Lance and Keith comforted him.

“It seems that seeing Lance in pain and needing comfort has caused Keith’s emotional walls to come down.” Coran commented.

“Has Keith been keeping his basic needs met?” Allura asked. Coran pulled up a video of Keith wandering the castle late at night.

“Everything except sleep, as we found out due to Shiro. We could see if he wants to try a healing pod?”

Keith hadn’t considered trying a healing pod. Could that help?

“Ok, can you find his whereabouts in the castle?” Allura asked.

Shit, Keith thoughts. Are there seriously cameras everywhere??? Keith quickly went back deep into the training room and went hard on a punching bag. Keith thought about whether he wanted to try a healing pod or not. He didn’t remember what it was like to get a normal amount of sleep. It was abnormal for him. Would he feel better? What if the pod messed up his brain chemicals instead of fixed them? He heard the whoosh of the doors a few minutes later, pulling him out of his thoughts. As he expected and overheard, Coran and Allura walked in. Keith looked over at the two of them, waiting for them to speak.

“Hello Keith. How’s training going?” Allura greeted as Coran typed away at his tablet.

“Good. What’s going on?” Keith asked, despite probably knowing the answer.

“We were conversing about your current problem with sleeping and have a possible solution. We would like to try out the healing pods.” Allura continued talking but Keith could only focus on Coran typing away on his tablet. “Keith?”

He looked back at Allura; she clearly knew he hadn’t listened to a thing she just said.

“What is Coran doing?” Keith guardedly asked.

“Uh, you will find out in a minute,” Allura replied. Keith obviously missed something when he stopped eavesdropping. Keith didn’t like the sound of that.  
Shiro walked in during a stare-down between Coran, Allura, and Keith.

Oh, he thought, they are getting Shiro to convince me or take me by force. Keith looked at each person in the room.

“Keith, you need to sleep. The healing pod could help you.” That was Shiro. Keith exclaimed in frustration. 

“Why are you focusing on me?!” Keith spat. “Who needs the most help?”

“The fact that you don’t see yourself as having a problem is a problem Keith,” Shiro said. “I know whom you are inferring.”

Keith bunched up his hands into fists. He needed to punch something.

“Then go!” Keith grumbled. “Focus on Lance! What are you doing here?”

“Lance… has accepted out suggestion to use a pod. He actually requested you be the one to put him in,” Coran gently informed him.

“Fine! For fuck sakes. If you are going to keep pushing it, I figure you will probably force me to at some point.” Keith stormed past the three people. Shiro immediately followed him; Keith brushed past Hunk and Pidge on his way to Lance’s room. He ignored them. He was going to throw open the door but second guessed and knocked. Lance opened it; he was in the suit that they wear when going into the healing pod. Keith noticed the way Lance started to tremble upon seeing him. The suit clung to his fellow paladin’s body. Lance was spending a lot of effort to just look at Keith. Lance asked in a soft voice if Keith could zip it up. Keith’s anger towards Shiro, Coran, and Allura dissipated. He nodded solemnly and waited for Lance to approach him. Lance jumped at the light touch of Keith’s hand steadying and holding the fabric. 

“Keith?” Lance asked in a low voice.

“Yeah?”

“You said yesterday that you care about me. And I was up all night last night just thinking… I want you to know that I care about you too. You have honestly been the most helpful out of anyone here. Coran and Allura seem to just want to track my behaviors and triggers. Shiro is wanting a quick fix, wanting to help but is too assertive. Pidge and Hunk seem to want to help, and have made attempts to but just don’t really understand how. You, on the other hand, have been the only one to help in a way that works for me…”

Lance sat down on his bed and placed his head in his hands, his elbows on his lap.

“I guess I was just… I wanted to know…”

Lance took a deep breath. He looked back up at Keith.

“Your approach to... This… has been to just do whatever I needed. You seem to understand what that is, even when I don’t. And you have been providing that support to me unquestionably. Undoubtingly. If I am telling the truth, I haven’t been sleeping well and I think a part of that is due to not feeling safe when alone. Is there any chance that, at least for a little while, you could sleep in my room?”

This had to be the weirdest requests Keith had ever received. Weird, because it was Lance and because Keith did not think the conversation was leading to this.

“Like… in your bed…?”

“No!” Lance exclaimed, chuckling a little. “Coran could set up a cot. He was the person who suggested it. He caught me in the middle of roaming the castle.”

That was odd; Keith roamed the castle too and had not seen Lance any of the previous nights. Nor had he seen Coran.

“Sure.” Keith didn’t really process what he was saying until it was already out of his mouth. Lance looked relieved.

“Cool…” Lance’s gaze darted away, embarrassed. “Could you also, if it is not asking too much, come to the pods with me and be there when I wake up? I am nervous about what I will feel afterwards.”

Keith told Lance about how he would try, but he promised the group that he would also be trying out the pods. Keith admitted to Lance about how bad his insomnia was. As if on cue, Coran knocked on the Blue Paladin’s door. He had a suit for Keith; the Red Paladin went to Lance’s bathroom to change, getting Lance to zip it up. A chill ran up Keith’s spine as his fellow paladin’s fingers gently brushed his skin in the motion. Coran led them to the pods, doing something on his tablet the entire time. Lance got into the pod hesitantly. It closed on him; Coran tapped the screen on the pod. Keith watched as horror flooded Lance’s face. He started hyperventilating and banging on the glass. Coran paused his typing and turned to Keith.

“What do I do?” Coran seemed wary about continuing the cryopod process.

“Undo the glass, let him out to breathe.” Keith instructed. With a whoosh, the glass was gone. Lance fell out, gasping for air. Keith knelt next to Lance.

“Lance, you’re safe.” Keith repeated. Until:

“I,” breath “am,” breath “safe…” Lance took a deep breath. He looked at Keith.

“Can we try again?” Keith asked levelly. Lance nodded and stood back up. This time, Lance watched Keith as if breaking eye contact would kill him. Keith showed Lance that he was taking deep breaths and the encased boy mirrored his movements. A puff of smoke entered the pod and soon Keith was staring at an unconscious Lance. Coran thanked Keith for helping Lance, as he moved to set up the other pod. Keith just watched, not too sure what to say or do. Before the pod was ready, footsteps were heard in the hallway leading up to the medical bay. Keith turned when they indicated their owner was in the room with them and saw Shiro.

“Hey, I had hoped you would still be conscious.” Shiro said as a greeting. Keith just stared coldly at him. “I wanted to, uh, ask you a favor.”  
This peaked Keith’s interest. Shiro’s demeanor was sheepish, embarrassed.

“I think you have more naturally helpful responses to Lance and my own mental health issues.”

Keith recalled the nights we would have to run into Shiro’s room and calm him down from a nightmare. It’s how he knew the breathing exercises. He had done some research about calming attacks. That was before Shiro knew about Keith’s insomnia. He had just thought that Keith was alerted by his Lion that he needed help.

“So I was wondering if you could teach me some skills. Or what not to do-”

“Drugging people, forcing them, or pressuring them to do something they don’t want to are a few things not to do,” Keith hotly interrupted. He was still mad about that. He took a breath to calm himself; Shiro looked wounded but also knew that Keith’s emotions were justified.

“I just want to help everyone Keith. I recognize my methods are not great-”

“Sorry,” Keith interrupted again. He apologized for interrupting. “If you want to learn some things, read about them. While the knowledge might not be generalizable, at least you have something to try that has been shown to help.”

Coran informed Keith that his pod was ready. Keith turned away from Shiro, his brother, his leader and inspiration. The person whom he looked up to, now was looking to him for guidance. Keith turned back around and offered him his hand. Shiro shook it lovingly.

Keith held on to Shiro’s hand until he was inside of the pod. The cold smoke washing of him made him shiver, and he was out like a light.


	4. Switch

Keith was not in a cryopod when he woke up. There was a soft surface under him and he was lying down on it. It was familiar. The blanket on top of him was warm, the scent familiar. He was vaguely aware of a presence in the room he was in. But couldn’t quite open his eyes yet. Holy Bob, he felt like he was coming out of a drug-induced sleep. His feet and legs were lead as well as his head. His eyelids felt like there were tiny little weights on the end of his eyelashes. His muscles were too relaxed and felt like spaghetti. Keith’s brain felt different but he didn’t know quite how to describe it. He tried to move but it was too hard. A groan from effort escaped his mouth. Immediately he felt hands on him; checking his forehead, his pulse, a slight shake. He heard a voice say his name but he couldn’t respond with words, groaned a response. The person said his name again and Keith groaned out a “Hello”. It was Lance.

Why was Lance in this room with him? Wouldn’t his session take longer than Keith’s? If Lance was up and walking, why wasn’t Keith? How long had he been out?

“Keith are you okay to move?”

“Mmmmmmmmm-No” Keith managed to say. He focused all of his energy and attention to his mouth. “Where am I????”

“Can you open your eyes?” Lance asked. Keith shook his head slowly. “Well, you are in your room. You were in the pod for a day and then when you emerged, the pod gave you something to induce sleep. Unfortunately it was a Galran dosage so while it didn’t hurt you, it knocked you out for three days.”

Keith was finally able to look up at Lance. It felt weird; they had switched positions. Lance was the one needing to be taken care of and Keith was acting as his assistant. Now Lance was here to help Keith. At least, Keith assumed that’s why Lance was in his room. 

“Howwww… have I….” Keith tried asking a question but the process of getting the words out was difficult. His throat was sore and dry. Lance waited patiently. “... been kept…. Alive…?”

Lance was silent for a second and Keith wasn’t sure how else to phrase it.

“Well the dose didn’t kill you, and it didn’t almost kill you.”

“3 days… food… water…” Keith was able to say.

“Oh! Well, you currently have a hydration line hooked up to you that you probably can’t feel, and Coran has been giving you nutrient patches.”

Keith’s questions about how exactly he was getting rid of nutrients was better left unasked. He tried opening his eyes again, this time able to. Lance was kneeling down next to the bed. He looked better than before; the bags under his eyes were gone, he looked like he had kept up his eating habits. His hygiene was same as before. Lance looked relieved when Keith opened his eyes. 

“Hey, Mullet,” he said softly.

“Hair…?” Keith said.

“Dry shampoo” Lance answered, knowing what Keith had been wondering. Keith looked and saw the hydration drip. He looked from that the Lance.

“Gone?”

“I can call Coran and he can do an assessment. We were starting to get worried, actually.” Lance replied. He flagged Shiro and Coran to come down to his room. Almost instantly both presences arrived. Shiro sighed in relief upon seeing Keith awake. Coran had the device from when they checked Lance for any injuries. Lance took the blanket off of Keith so that Coran could scan him. Keith blushed when he realized he was only in boxers. Someone probably had to take the suit off-

“You’re in decent health. Until you can move, though, I am afraid that we will have to feed you like that”

“Someone… else?” Keith was trying so hard to make a full sentence. That’s all he wanted was to speak in full sentences. The look on Shiro’s face made him feel even worse. Coran and Shiro both looked at each other for guidance; luckily Lance translated.

“I think he is asking if someone else could feed him. I don’t think he likes the hydration method.”

Coran considered it and then asked Keith who he would feel comfortable doing it. Keith scrunched up his face in thought.

“Pidge?” Coran prompted.

“Tiny.” Keith sighed.

“Hunk?”

“Worries.”

“Shiro?”

“Yes… Gentle.” Keith looked at Shiro for that one. Shiro nodded, knowing what Keith meant.

“Lance?”

“Yes…. No…. jokes,” Keith said, now looking at the boy in question. 

“I wouldn’t!” Keith raised an eyebrow. “Wait do you mean no jokes about you, or no jokes in general. Because I would not make jokes about you being in a coma.”

“Some… jokes…” Keith compromised. Lance chuckled.

Keith felt like something in his brain released a bunch of pressure, like a pop bottle opening up   
for the first time.

“How would you feel about Allura or myself?” Coran asked.

“Allura, no,” Keith said without hesitation or pauses. Shiro smiled a little at the improvement in Keith’s speech. “You, yes.”

“Alrighty. Is there anything you want or need right now?” Coran asked.

“Drink in throat,” Keith managed to say. He smiled a little. The rest of his body was still heavy and he couldn’t move his limbs but he was able to talk. 

“Shiro, go inform the others that Keith is awake and well, but they can’t come see him.” Coran told him. Shiro nodded but approached Keith’s bed. He sat down, facing Keith. He squeezed Keith’s shoulder lovingly, telling him he was glad Keith was okay. Shiro assured Keith he would be back later to check up on him and hang out. Keith smiled softly.

“Promise?” he softly asked.

“Of course.” Shiro replied. With one more solid squeeze, he left. Coran followed Shiro out, telling Lance to help Keith sit up. Lance and Keith stayed silent for a few minutes.

“How should I, uh…” Lance asked, crossing his arms and then uncrossing.

“Shirt first?” Keith asked. He hated being exposed like this. He wondered if Lance felt the way he did when the roles were reversed. Keith wanted to curl into a ball and wrap the blankets around himself so that Lance couldn’t see him. Lance gave Keith with a sympathetic expression.

“You are very uncomfortable right now, aren’t you?” Lance said. He grabbed a shirt from Keith’s closet. It was a tight one, but a tight shirt was better than no shirt. Keith was able to expose himself when Lance needed him to that night, because he knew Lance was vulnerable. Now HE was the vulnerable one. Lance sat down on the bed. He picked up each of Keith’s arms, put them through the shirt. He successfully managed to get Keith’s head through. The hard part was getting it down to cover his torso. Lance wiped away a few tears that came out of Keith’s eyes.

Not wanting to watch, Keith shut his eyes. Lance picked Keith’s upper half up, slid behind him, and had them situated. Keith’s head laid on Lance’s shoulder, his torso arched slightly. They were both now in sitting positions with Keith leaning on Lance for full support. Lance slid the shirt down Keith and the half-Galran couldn’t stop himself from crying. Lance repositioned them so that he could hug Keith better as he cried. Keith was thankful for the warmth but at the same time hated it. Hated it because this was not what should have been happening. He was supposed to be the one supporting Lance, not the other way around. He hated that the first time they had this kind of contact was when Keith literally couldn’t move.

“Sorry,” Keith muttered through the tears.

“It’s okay Keith. I know that you are uncomfortable. You can cry.” 

Keith wasn’t sure how long they were there, inside Keith’s room, on the bed. But Coran knocked on the door after what seemed like forever. Lance told him to wait for a second. He wiped Keith’s tears away using the sleeve of his long-sleeved shirt and then positioned them so the wall was supporting most of Keith’s weight instead of Lance. 

“Come in,” Lance called. Coran entered with a tray, bowls of food on top. Coran set it down on Keith’s bedside table, unhooked the hydration machine, and then gave a bowl to Lance.

“Most of these should not require chewing.” Coran informed them. He asked if Lance needed help and he told Coran to stay just in case something happened. Luckily, Lance spoon-fed Keith without any problems arising. Well, physical problems. Keith was tired and did not like having to be fed. But he hated having nutrients pumped into him. When he finished, Lance slipped out from behind him, placed him in bed, and then went to eat food. Coran did some physical checks; pupil dilation, heartbeat, and asked Keith to try and hold his arm up. Keith couldn’t. Coran said he would be back, that there might be something about an antiserum. He ordered Lance to take care of Keith.

“Lance?” Keith said. His voice was almost back to his normal tone and strength. It was still a bit hoarse. Lance looked at him; Keith snorted. Lance was in the middle of scarfing down food so he had a mouthful. His eyebrows were raised, eyes big. 

“Mhmm?”

“How… are you? Did… the pod… help… at… all?”

“Yeah, I’m fine now!” Lance said cheerily after swallowing.

That was a blatant lie. Even the cryopods couldn’t cure Lance’s trauma/PTSD completely. Even if it cured the worst symptoms, Lance would be distraught still. Shiro was using the pods for his PTSD and it still was affecting him. Keith had helped Shiro calm down from nightmares before Shiro knew about his insomnia.

“I got out of the pod after about a day and haven’t had any problems since.” Lance said merrily.

“No problems?” Keith repeated, staring down Lance. Before he could say anything else, there was enthusiastic knocking at the door. Lance went over to answer it; as soon as the door opened, Pidge and Hunk stumbled into the room. They quickly regained composure. Shiro entered after, a small chuckle on his lips as he regarded Hunk and Pidge. Lance backed up as Pidge and Hunk went to Keith’s bedside. He did not point out the tears in Keith’s eyes at the sight of Hunk and Pidge being excited about his safety and wellbeing. Allura entered shortly after.

“How are you feeling?” Allura asked.

“Frustrated,” Keith sighed. When the others looked concerned, Lance and Shiro looked empathetic and understanding.

“Well, is there anything we can do for you?” Pidge asked, their eyes analyzing Keith, as if looking for evidence to help them make him feel better. 

“I can’t move much. Barely talking.” Keith commented. His cheeks were turning red and he wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. “Space coffee?”

Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, and Lance all chuckled.

“Would you like us to give you something to help?” Coran asked. Keith’s eyes flitted to where Coran was, by the door, observing. Keith shook his head, shutting his eyes. 

“How about we give Keith some space.” Coran suggested. “He should be walking and fighting in no time. Besides! We have a mission!”

Keith’s face contorted into intrigue, despite his eyes being closed. Coran must have saw his face change.

“There is a planet that we are meeting a colony of the Coalition on. We only need the Princess plus two or three of you to go, so you can rest Keith.”

“Who go?” Keith asked. Keith opened his eyes, seeing the group all looking at one another. 

Allura said she was going, obviously. Pidge volunteered to go, as the technology might be interesting. Hunk said he would go too, saying he was going to analyze the food. Shiro and Lance were fine staying back. Everyone left, apart from Lance and Shiro. They left briefly to grab chairs. Keith wondered whether he was feeling gross because of whatever was in his system, or if it was due to the lack of hygiene. Keith wanted to have a bath, but he definitely was not sure how comfortable he was with any of the crew members helping. He could help others, but he did not want to be helped. When the two boys returned, Keith’s bladder made the decision for him. He was kinda able to move but he definitely couldn’t support himself. He waved at the two nerds who were reading books on the touch-screens. They asked in unison what Keith needed.

“Bathroom. Please.”

“Do you care who helps?” Shiro asked. Keith measured up both of them.

“No.”

Shiro and Lance exchanged looks and then decided that they both should in order to be safe. They assisted Keith to his feet and then put his arms over their shoulders. They carried him to the bathroom. Keith got Shiro to leave once in the bathroom, getting Lance to close his eyes as Keith did his business. Lance asked if he was good after Keith finished. Keith told him he felt gross. Lance sat Keith on the toilet after putting the lid down. Keith was strong enough to sit up on his own, thankfully. Lance sat on the bathtub side, which positions him right next to Keith. The red paladin avoided eye contact but the blue paladin demanded it. Keith got a whiff of Lance’s cologne. Well, that and of something else he couldn’t quite identify. The smell of Lance was heavier than normal and not due to proximity.

“Remember what you did for me when… when you found me? That night on Onyx?”

Keith nodded slightly, still not looking at Lance.

“Well, since you, erm, bathed me… Maybe I could return the favor? If that makes you uncomfortable, that’s ok, it was just a suggestion. If you want me to help you with it, that’s your call.”

Keith huffed. He really wanted a bath. He could just be in his briefs, right? Suddenly he thought of the fact that Lance would have to help him take his clothes off. The thought both made him want to faint and excited him. He hated both feelings.

“Privacy?” Keith choked out.

“Do you mean you want privacy or you are asking about how, uh, exposed you will be?” Lance looked worried and awkward. Just like how Keith felt. 

“Second.”

“I mean, if you wanted to keep your shirt and underwear on, that’s up to you. But also depends on how clean you want to get.”

“You would have to take his shirt off anyway,” Shiro interjected. His big frame loomed in the doorway. “Keith can’t wear a soaked t-shirt.”

“Just briefs” Keith muttered. Lance apparently heard him say something but Keith was not clear or loud enough. He repeated himself louder and through gritted teeth. Lance smiled empathetically and with knowing. He asked if Keith was okay with Shiro helping. Keith told Shiro to go grab something to help him move about the castle, which Shiro dejectedly complied. Before leaving, Shiro carried Keith into the bedroom and placed him on the bed. Since Keith couldn’t support himself, they agreed that the bed would be better than the floor. Shiro left the two boys staring at each other but not making eye contact. Keith was looking at Lance’s feet and Lance was looking Keith over. Lance bit his lower lip.

“Well?” Keith huffed.

“You sure you want this?” Lance asked.

“I has apparently been asleep for three days due to a space machine that registered a gene that I didn’t even fucking know about until a little while ago. A machine that I was forced to go into and now all I feel is pain, exhaustion, and dirty. I can only help one of those. And if it requires you to take my clothes off, then so be it. But I am highly uncomfortable with it.”

“If it makes you feel better,” Lance softly said. The softness of Lance made Keith reel back on himself. He shouldn’t have snapped at Lance. What he went through was much worse. “I had to help my mother sometimes with taking care of my siblings. So I have, uh, seen bodies before. Not to mention I have one.”

Keith already figured Lance had helped with childcare. They air about how he did things when taking care of people showed that side of him. Even knowing that, the words of comfort did help Keith.

“Just get it over with,” Keith shut his eyes and waited. He jumped and squealed when Lance touched the hem of his shirt. Keith realized, again, that someone had to have changed him. Despite Lance seeing Keith’s exposed chest earlier, Keith was uncomfortable. Lance was actively taking his shirt off. And then it would be the pants. Keith wondered who had changed his clothes, but figured that question was best left unanswered as well. Lance asked if Keith wanted him to go slow or fast. Keith told him slow so that he could get used to the exposure.

“You had your shirt off when you woke up. That’s how the nutrient patches worked; Coran had to monitor them.”

“This is different” Keith stated. Lance continued to pull the shirt up Keith’s torso, which was moving due to the whimpers escaping Keith’s mouth. Lance pondered it as the shirt was off of Keith’s head and he gently guided Keith’s arms out of it. He threw the shirt into the closet and returned. Lance stood again, waiting. Staring at Keith’s torso mostly.

“Lance?” Keith moaned. His eyes were still closed, so he was unaware of Lance’s looking.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe… run the bath first,” Keith quietly said, just audible. Lance quickly entered the bathroom and Keith heard the water start. He returned and sat down on the edge of the bed. Kieth didn’t see his hands gingerly hesitating.

“Are you sure? Fast or slow?” Lance asked. His voice was slightly higher than usual. Keith was glad that the drugs in his system were causing certain areas to not get excited. 

“Slow.. but… I’m, uh, not used to,” Keith cleared his throat. “Hands… er….anyone… uh… no one has done this…”

Keith screamed when hands were suddenly placed on his hips. They were immediately removed upon Keith’s reaction, a million apologizes flying out of Lance’s mouth. Keith calmed down his breathing. He still wouldn’t open his eyes, afraid of letting the tears out.

“Okay I am going to place my hands on your stomach so that you get used to them.” Lance stated. “That sounded weird.”

Keith just nodded. Lance’s warm hands were on his exposed stomach and, god, did Keith wish the first time this was happening was in a different context. He shoved that thought away and focused on trying to relax. Lance’s hands slowly slid down until they grabbed his waistband. Slowly and agonizingly, the pants were taken off of Keith. Lance threw them away too. Keith was shaking by the time Lance returned.

“Ok Mullet, what’s the best way to carry you?” Lance asked. Keith had his arms crossed and looks like shit. Keith shrugged. Lance picked Keith up bridal style, awkwardly brought him into the bathroom, and placed Keith gently into the bath. Once settled, Keith and Lance were breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry,” Keith uttered. Lance looked at him from the toilet, confused.

“What?”

“I can’t imagine needing this done because of being high and after what you experienced.” Keith looked at Lance and the Blue Paladin saw the intense sincerity in his eyes. Lance looked away, his fingers tapping together.

“Did you want me to wash your hair or anything?” Lance shyly asked. Keith looked down onto his lap.

“If you, uh, don’t mind… I assume you have done this with your siblings.”  
Lance nodded. Keith sunk further into the bath. Lance examined the almost-naked man in the bathtub.

“Since you can’t hold yourself up, I might wash your hair in the sink if that’s okay?” Lance asked. Keith hummed in response. “But I could soap you?”

Keith choked on air. “What?!”

“Soap… You know, the stuff that cleans your body?”

Keith definitely heard him wrong. Perhaps Lance could soap his brain too. Keith gruffly told him that he would like that, and Lance got to work. He scrubbed on some solid soap, starting with Keith’s legs. Lance picked up a leg from the water and lathered it up with soap. Keith was not a fan of the touch and was tense, but did not say anything. After Lance was done with one leg and moved on to the second, Keith seemed to be relaxing in to his touch. Lance did not dare venturing past the bottom part of his thighs. He held Keith’s hand as he washed the boy’s arm. Both blushing. Not making eye contact. ALthough one thing that Keith found cute, sad and annoying all at once was that Lance kept asking Keith if he could do something. Even the smallest thing, Lance would ask.

“Keith? Lance?” Shiro called from the door.

“In the bathroom!” Lance called. There was a pause.

“Doing.. Doing what?”

“Bathing Keith” Lance called back.

“Is he… uh… can I enter?” Shiro awkwardly called.

Lance looked to Keith and Keith nodded.

“Yep!” Shiro entered, a chair in tow. But this chair was not like any chair. This one was a hover chair. Keith wasn’t sure how it worked or where Shiro found it. Shiro looked relieved to see Keith, especially when he saw the clothes he had on. 

“When the others return, we are going to have a full team meeting. Would you two like to join? No pressure if you are not up for it.” Shiro informed them. 

“We’ll see,” Keith said, sounding as if he was half asleep. Keith, surprising himself, was enjoying being taken care of. Or maybe that was the drugs kicking it up in his system. Keith wasn’t sure how much time it would take for the drugs to be completely out of his system, he just hoped he could regain his muscle strength soon. Lance switched to the other arm, still talking to Shiro. Keith was so lost in the feeling and his own head that he missed part of the conversation.

“-seems to be tired, but I can bring him down or call you to help if he wants to help.” Lance was says. “He seems to be pretty out of it. I’m washing his hair next.”

Keith had closed his eyes and did not open them. Shiro told Lance to page him if he needs help. Before Keith knew it, Lance was nudging him lightly.

“You alive, Mullet?”

“Barely,” Keith grumbled. He lazily opened his eyes. How could he be this tired? He was literally in a coma not that long ago?

“Are you ready to get out? Shiro brought an extra chair that is stationary so I can wash your hair in the sink.”

Keith nodded and tried to prop himself up, but was painfully reminded about his lack of control over his own body. He nodded, the tub was drained, and Lance positioned himself to pick Keith up. Keith didn’t like the feeling of his wet underwear on his skin. But then Lance placed him in the chair. A chair that had a thick and fluffy towel on it. Lance asked if Keith wanted to be wrapped like a burrito and Keith told him he would. Lance put a towel on the counter so Keith’s neck would not dig into the edge. Lance started washing Keith’s luscious black hair. The finger nails gliding gently from the tip of his forehead to the crown of his head was hypnotic. Lance then put shampoo in his hair and massaged his scalp. Keith could not contain the moans of pleasure. Lance chuckled at him.

“You’re hands are magic,” Keith moaned in a trance. 

“Not the first time I have heard that,” Lance said in a tone that implied a deeper meaning to the sentence. Keith blushed. Due to the size of the sink, Lance was able to wash Keith’s hair with ease. He used a cup to help rinse out the shampoo. Keith was breathing deeper, slower; he was almost asleep. Lance finished up rinsing the shampoo out and then decided to do conditioner. Keith was unaware; he kept moving his head into Lance’s fingertips, tiny noises of relaxation and pleasure. Lance knew the context in which Keith was making those noises but that did not stop his mind from imagining it in a different context. And Oh Boy. He cleared that thought out of his head. Keith was happy and that is all that mattered. Lance focused on something else. He hadn’t seen much of Keith since knowing him. Of course they had their infamous rivalry, but Lance figured they were over being enemies. They were competitors. Lance had not seen Keith so relaxed, so unattended. He was not guarded. Probably too tired to keep up his walls. Or it could be the Galra-dose that he was given. All the tension was out of Keith and it looked good on him. Lance hoped that Keith could be this relaxed and trusting more often.

Then again, didn’t Keith have to be trusting right now? He could not exactly do things for himself. When the drug is gone, would Keith still be cold towards him?

Lance wrapped a towel around the other boy’s hair. The other boy, who was drifting away. Lance softly spoke his name, causing Keith to come out of his half-asleep state. Lance picked him up gently but firmly and carried him to the bed. Keith was basically dry apart from his hair due to the burrito towel. Keith, with much effort, was able to sit himself up, his body weight being supported by the wall. His underwear was not dry, unfortunately.

“Are you wanting help changing out of those?” Lance asked. Keith shook his head slowly, staring daggers at Lance. Keith put the towels that were on the bed over himself. His legs and hips, mostly.

“Are you going to be able to change yourself?” Lance asked. He knew the answer even before Keith shook his head. “I’m sorry to say this but you can’t stay in those.”

Keith collapsed onto the bed, bringing a towel to cover himself. Lance sighed in annoyance. He was not going to force Keith to do anything, but maybe persuade him.

“Hey,” he softly said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He was going to place a hand on Keith but thought that he would not like that. “Remember I was in your place a little more than a week ago. The roles were switched. You took care of me and now I can take care of you. If you are embarrassed about me seeing you, er, without clothes on-” Lance took a deep breath “-because I’ve seen other people’s… parts… before. Not to mention that we have similar parts… but if you still are uncomfortable, maybe we can do this a harder but more comfortable way?”

Lance looked to the lump that was Keith for a minute, watching for any sort of sign. He realized Keith was crying.

“Keith?”

“What’s your b-b-b-big idea?” Keith managed to spit out between sobs. Lance explained that he could wrap Keith in a towel so that his arms were down near his hips, and the towel stopped part way down his thigh. Keith could slip off the soaked item he had on, Lance pull it off, Lance put a new one on and then Keith finish dressing. Keith thought about it for a minute and then begrudgingly agreed. Lance slowly and carefully undid the towel cocoon he had. He wrapped the towel as told. Lance watched as Keith took off his underwear under the towel.

“Can you not look at me like that? Or at all? It’s kinda weird,” Keith scoffed at him. Lance apologized profusely and grabbed the item as it appeared out from under the towel. He slid it down Keith’s legs, disposed of them, grabbed a replacement, slid it far enough for Keith to grab, then turned away. He listened to Keith swearing under his breath, and the shuffling sounds.

“Grab me a shirt and pants.” Keith said eventually. Lance did as told, grabbing a random shirt and sweatpants. Both were black. Everything he owned was black. Apart from a few items, some coming from Coran and Allura to wear for fancy events. He returned to Keith.

“Your closet it very colorful,” Lance joked as he handed Keith the clothes. “Did you want help?”

“No.” Keith tightly said. Lance stepped back and turned around.

“You know, I’ve already seen you in your underwear dude,” Lance nonchalantly said. He listened to Keith make sounds of struggle, waiting for him to ask for help. Keith sighed a few minutes into trying to dress himself and roughly accepted the help. He got his shirt on, but his pants were the bigger issue. Lance got to work, putting in one foot at a time. He noticed that Keith was pointedly NOT looking at him. He slid them up until he got to Keith’s thighs, where the towel was still covering his waist and crotch. Lance asked to proceed, earning a slight nod from the Red Paladin. He removed the towel, revealing some solid proof (he did not expect to see) that Keith enjoyed Lance’s help a little too much. Lance almost cackled, because it WAS funny, but also was embarrassed. This is what Keith had been trying to hide. He quickly pulled the pants over and sat them on his waist. Before either boy could say anything, Shiro’s voice came over the communicators.

“Keith? Lance? Are you two ready for the meeting?”

Lance went over to respond. “Yep!” Lance choked out.

“Okay, see you soon.”

When Lance turned back to Keith, he did not make eye contact.

“If you tell anyone, I swear to god Lance-”

“I won’t” Lance interrupted. He knew where that sentence was headed. Of course Lance wouldn’t tell. He helped Keith get into his hoverchair and they silently left for the meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone :) If you like this so far, I have other Voltron fanfics you can check out if you haven't already.  
Thank you so much for reading thus far. Stay tuned for more chapters coming!


	5. Mind Matters

“Alrighty Keith, how are you feeling?” Coran’s peppy voice said. 

Keith sighed; he had been asked this question over the past week or so. Every day, he and Lance were to get checked over by Coran in regards to their issues. Keith hated it. Coran, who was joined by typically Allura or Shiro, would scan his body using the machine, scan Lance’s using the same type of machine but a different controller, and would get whoever was with him to hold one while they were being processed. He always did this for Lance and Keith at the same time. Once Keith was able to support himself and walk again, he went back to training. It took two days for him to finally have enough strength to attend to personal care for himself. If Coran wasn’t enough already, he also had Lance coming in and checking up on him. He found it annoying and cute at the same time. Keith would evade the question by asking how Lance had been doing. Keith lied to the group; his insomnia hadn’t gotten better but he told them he was sleeping more. Coran hadn’t told them what the results of the tests mean, mostly due to having to look up various human-brain related material with the help of Shiro. Altean and Human brains were similar but not exactly the same. Keith wondered if they knew he was lying about sleeping more, and were just hiding from him, planning their next move.

These times were good for one thing. Lance had to come too, no matter how much he protested. No one ever forced him physically, however Shiro had a way with words that made Lance agree to come and get scanned. Keith always made note about possible changes in Lance, both when the Cuban checked on him and during these meetings. He seemed to be physically okay. He was almost back to his old self personality-wise, but Keith suspected he was acting. Lance was hard on himself, Keith knew. He also knew that he was hard on Lance a lot, which didn’t help. Lance was often the butt of jokes on the team. Everyone had made these jokes before, and now that everyone stopped due to what happened, it has made Keith realize just how much the group as a whole made jokes at Lance’s expense. It made him sad.

Keith shrugged. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was looking at the floor with more interest than it deserved.

“I’m okay,” he replied nonchalantly. 

“Have you been sleeping?” Coran asked. “Notice anything weird?”

“You still on my ass,” Keith said under his breath. Coran asked him to repeat that and speak louder, but Keith brushed him off. Seeing that he was not getting anything from Keith, Coran moved on. He asked Lance more questions; some about physical feelings, some emotional things, and about his sleeping patterns. Lance’s eyes kept glancing over to Keith while answering. 

The two boys had been actively avoiding each other since Keith was able to take care of himself. Well, Keith had been avoiding Lance more. There were some instances where Keith could not avoid Lance (again, when Lance checked in on Keith). Keith was so embarrassed with what Lance had to do for him, even though Lance had been in a similar situation before. It was different actually going through it rather than helping someone go through it. These check ups Coran had been doing (forcing) meant time alone with Lance. Where he could not simply wave him off. Keith was curious to how the other boy was healing, but he also liked his time alone..  
Lance reported that everything was back to his usual, except for sleeping. Coran told Lance that he could try the cryopods. Lance glanced at Keith.

“As long as you make sure it doesn’t give me too big of a dosage,” Lance had a humor to his voice. Coran reassured him that they would give him an appropriate dosage. Lance immediately stopped smiling after seeing the expression on Keith’s face.

“Well,” Coran said cheerfully “unless you are not 100% human we should not have any issues.”

“Are we done?” Keith grumbled.

“Almost, my boy!” Coran said. “I have to wait for Allura to come before I can-”

Allura entered, causing Coran to cut himself off.

“Excellent timing, princess!” Coran congratulated. Allura had a big container in her arms. She set it down on the table that was in the medical bay. Keith eyed it suspiciously.

“We got these shipped today.” Allura started to explain, “Shiro said that we could use then to monitor brain activity. We want to make sure that we get a better scan of your brain. While your bodies seem to be doing well, our scanners are not used to humans and do not adapt well. With these devices, we can get better readings.”

Shit, Keith thought. Shit shit shit shit shit….

“Wear them for a few days and nights. They can fit under your helmets and are lightweight enough that you will probably forget about them. Who wants to go first?”

“Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,” Lance quickly said “We don’t get a choice?”

Coran and Allura looked at each other, exchanged expressions, and then looked back at the two Paladins.

“Not really. We want to make sure you are better and healing.”

“You don’t trust me?!” Lance exclaimed. “I’m fine! I am sleeping and eating. I’m not doing anything out of the ordinary.” Lance’s volume grew with each sentence. “I am a Paladin of Voltron! I don’t have to wear that if I don’t want to. You two have not power over me! I DON’T WANT TO WEAR THE HEAD PIECE!”

Lance was yelling now. “YOU TWO CAN’T FORCE ME TO DO ANYTHING!”

“Lance, please… It’s just to be sure that your brain is healthy”

Lance huffed and stormed out of the room. Coran and Allura watched him go, statue still. Unsure. Lance was either hiding something, or felt overwhelmed with the amount of attention being given to him, Keith figured. The two Alteans looked to Keith after a moment, their question in their expressions. Keith sighed.

“Yeah, I’ll try,” Keith grumbled. He stalked out of the room and headed to Lance’s room.

Lance was thankfully in his room when Keith got there. When Keith entered the room, he found Lance scrambling to find something amidst a mess. His room being the mess. There were clothes thrown everywhere, books, and blankets. The noise the door made must have alerted Lance of Keith presence because he immediately stopped his search. Keith and Lance stood staring at each other. Lance’s expression hardened.

“I’m not-” his voice broke “-wearing that thing.”

“Why.” Keith stated. “I am, unfortunately, going to.”

Lance was visibly shaking. Keith felt something in him, pushing him towards Lance, wanting to embrace him. He ignored it. 

“Because…. Because…” Lance choked out. He suddenly collapsed to the ground, sobbing. Keith stood in place for a minute, unsure of what to do. He eventually sat adjacent to Lance.

“I’m sorry…” Lance rasped. He looked at Keith, who was already looking at Lance as if he were studying him. Assessing what to do.

“What for?” Keith asked. 

“Yelling. Getting upset. I just… I’ve been lying about how I have been doing.” Lance sniffed. 

“And I.. didn’t want to get caught or for them to look at me with disappointment.”

“It is understandable that you are not feeling great. You went through something that most of the crew can’t even fathom going through. I don’t know what it is like to go through what you did, and I know I haven’t been the most… open and welcoming. But Lance, I swear if you need someone to talk to, I am here.” Keith was surprised that he just said that. “If we ever find who did that to you, just point and I will beat their ass.”

Lance chuckled. It was a good sound, one that made Keith’s heart swell. “Thank god.”  
Keith looked at him questioningly.

“Sorry Keith,” Lance explained, a light air of joking that was signature to Lance “It’s just that you were worrying me for a second. I’m not used to you being, well, nice.”

Keith playfully and lightly punched him on the shoulder. He immediately apologized when Lance flinched, wiping the smile away from his face.

“I should have seen that coming,” Lance said humorously.

“Is there anything you wanted to talk about?” Keith asked gruffly. Feelings and talking about them was new for Keith but for Lance, Keith would do anything. He wouldn’t admit that. All the power might go to Lance’s head, and Keith wasn’t sure if they could come back from that. 

“By talk, you mean you want me to explain what I meant by being a disappointment.” Lance remarked.

“....If that’s what you want to talk about.” Keith replied.

Lance ran his hands through his big mop of hair on his head. He was still shaking.

“Do I have to?” he asked, pained.

“No. But I do think that we should go put the weird ass brain thing on.” Keith was thinking out loud at this point. “They just have what’s best for us in mind.”

Lance’s shaking became more intense.

“Is there anything you wanted to do after? We could go train?” Keith wasn’t sure what Lance did to relax, but training was what he did. Lance looked hesitant to say something.

“Um, actually… there is something but, uh, well, a few things, but… it’s totally okay if you are uncomfortable doing it and I know that we are not necessarily close-”

“Just spit it out,” Keith interrupted. He felt bad immediately.

“Can you help motivate me to clean?” Lance gestured to his room. “I’ve been living in chaos for a while. I…” he took a deep breath “-had a really bad attack and threw everything around. Haven’t been able to really face it since.”

Keith told Lance he could do that. The other thing Lance wanted Keith to do was help him fall asleep. He explained that his mother would read him bedtime stories when he was younger and couldn’t sleep. Since the assault, he hadn’t been sleeping well. He was getting less sleep and he had nightmares. Keith said he could do that. One of the shit foster homes he was sent to had parents that were neglecting their children. Keith would take it upon him to read to them, since he was staying up anyway. He had to clean the rooms of his siblings. The tension left Lance almost completely after hearing Keith was cool with both activities. 

“Coran and Allura are waiting for us. How about we go there, get the head things, come back and get started on the room?” Keith offered. Lance agreed. Keith helped Lance to his feet and they walked side-by-side to the medical bay.

Allura and Coran were, indeed, still there. Their worried and concerned expressions were replaced by relief when the two boys re-entered. Keith offered to go first so that Lance could see what the process was like.

“Lucky they don’t have to shave off any of your infamous mullet,” Lance commented halfway through the process. Coran had been deeply concentrating on putting the contraption on Keith’s head correctly and turning it on. Keith chuckled. Lance was back to acting, but that didn’t mean what he said wasn’t funny. Keith swore as he was zapped accidentally by the device.

“Sorry!” Coran apologized.

“What the hell?” a voice came from the door. Shiro entered hastily, quickly analyzing Coran and Keith. “What are you doing?”

“Using these devices to track their brain activity!” Coran excitedly said.  
Shiro locked eyes with Keith. “And you are okay with this?”  
Keith’s face faltered. 

“Coran,” Shiro turned his focus to Allura, “Princess… why didn’t you consult with me?”

“We thought you would be pleased?” Allura was confused. “This is to help them get better. We can track them better.”

“Did you ask or did you manipulate them into going along with it?” Shiro asked. 

“Shiro, it’s fine,” Keith said. Shiro looked at each member in the room, ending on Keith.

“They diiiiid push us but… this might help,” Lance said. Almost as if he was reassuring himself more than Shiro. Coran informed Keith he was finished. It was pretty light weight; five pods that stuck to his head. One on each temple, one on his forehead, one just under his hairline at the back of his neck, and one on top of his head. That one was attached due to the wires it shares with its brethren. Keith hopped off of the medical table and made space for Lance. He timidly hopped up. Shiro whispered to Keith how it felt and Keith told him the truth; he was aware of their presence but it was not having a negative effect on him. Keith kept his eyes trained on Lance to look for signs of being overwhelmed or in distress. Coran brushed Lance’s hair out of his face. Lance flinched and whimpered, breaking Keith’s heart. Lance clenched his hands.

“Now Lance, try to be as still as possible.” Coran instructed. Coran brushed his fingers along Lance’s face to move some hair again, causing Lance to flinch and jump off of the table. He stumbled, falling; Keith caught him. Lance yelped and violently pushed Keith away. Keith stumbled to the floor. When he was sitting back up, he looked at Lance. Lance was in the fetal position, hyperventilating.

“Lance!” Shiro called. Keith froze; he wasn’t sure what to do. Touching him might make it worse. Shiro approached him quickly.

“Lance, focus on my voice,” Shiro calmly and firmly said. Keith was vaguely aware of someone helping him to his feet; he was too focused on Lance.

“Lance, it’s Shiro. You are on the Castle Ship. You are safe. Lance, you are on the ship and you are safe. You are safe.” Shiro kept repeating. Over and over. Lance’s breathing slowed down. He uncurled himself, sitting up in the process. He apologized shamefully, embarrassed. Coran apologized and Lance shakily got back up onto the table. Lance gestured for Keith to come over and Keith obliged. Lance’s voice was small and barely audible; he asked if he could hold Keith’s hand. Keith nodded, shocked. Lance gestured for Keith to sit up on the table next to him. Keith also did that. Lance squeezed his hand whenever Coran touched him. Shiro offered his hand too, giving Lance calm reassurances. Lance didn’t flinch with his head, but Keith knew ever time Coran touched him or placed one of the pods on Lance’s head because the Blue Paladin’s hands would squeeze tight. Coran completed his placement and told them they could go. He asked Shiro to stay so that Allura and himself could learn about human brains. Not that Shiro was an expert or anything, but he had a better grasp on this than the Alteans.

Lance and Keith returned to Lance’s room to start cleaning. Keith realized they were still holding hands because when Lance went to open the door, he did so with his dominant hand. The one Keith was holding. Both boys let go. Keith avoided the subject. He asked Lance where to start and what to do.

They started with the clothes that were everywhere. They sorted them into dirty and clean. Then Lance took the dirty laundry to wash while Keith folded up the clothes. He finished quickly, not touching any of Lance’s underwear. Lance returned, folded up his underwear with a deep blush in his cheeks and ears, and told Keith to sort out the books. Lance, unlike Keith, preferred to read physical books. He had a huge collection from Earth and occasionally they would go to a Space Mall and happen across books in English. Even books in other languages could be read with a special pair of glasses Lance bought that could translate the book to your language as you’re reading. By the time the books were all neatly put away, and the garbage was cleaned, it was time for supper.

They ate supper with the rest of the crew. A heavy silence hung over them. Keith and Lance were both the main focus of people’s attention. Well, for everyone except Pidge. Pidge was eating with one hand, and the other held a tablet that they were reading off of. On the table sat a pod very similar to the ones Lance and Keith had on their heads. The two boys were sitting across from each other. Hunk next to Lance, Shiro next to Keith, Pidge and Coran on the other end with Princess Allura at the head of the table. 

“Lance,” Hunk said during the meal, breaking the silence. “Would you want to do some training later?”

“Sure. What were you thinking?” Lance asked. He seemed intrigued. Excited to talk about something other than his trauma or mental state.

“Shooting? I think I could use some tips.”

Lance agreed. Keith mentally decided he would go for a space walk after supper, since Lance was occupied with training and Shiro was busy with brains.

“Since you two are doing that,” Pidge said through a mouthful of food. They swallowed before continuing. “Keith, can I borrow you?”

“For what, exactly?” Keith deadpanned. 

“I’m working on an extension to the apparatus you and Lance have on. I think I can adjust one of the monitors to be kind of like a mini cryopod. It could help not only us, but it could be a big step for mental health treatment on Earth! Assuming we go back…” Pidge trailed off sadly, brushing the thought away as they continued their work. Keith agreed to be the test dummy. They sat and ate their meals in silence, Allura and Coran finishing up and leaving straight away. Hunk and Lance left together, Shiro being the last. Shiro had recently been into reading. Keith knew Shiro was a fan of fantasy and sci-fi because they talked about books one night when he couldn’t sleep. That day was when he had lied to Shiro, saying that he was just had a high amount of tension and not a lot of energy to release it. Shiro came over to Keith, giving him a firm and loving squeeze to the shoulder before heading off to teach the Alteans about humans. Shiro was also teaching Coran and Allura about general human anatomy and comparing it to Altean. Pidge finished their dish.

“Anyway, I have figured out how to control the healing essences used and to program it to recognize mental distress and abnormalities. I think this, paired with some therapeutic techniques, could lead to major improvements.”

Oh god. Keith didn't want to be optimistic but Pidge was making it hard to think otherwise. It seemed so surreal, getting enough sleep. Keith had been an insomniac for so long that the concept of getting enough sleep was foreign. It was fantasy. He still felt vulnerable but he wouldn't admit it to the team.

“One thing I would like to, I guess, explore with you is the root cause of the insomnia. Or Coran or whoever you want to see. Coran said we could use the mind melt device.”

No. Keith was not signing up for that.

“That wasn’t part of the plan.” Keith growled. He was scarily calm.

Pidge pointed out that Coran and Shiro already knew that he would have had to meld his mind with someone. Out of the two, Keith knew Shiro would be more pushy about his healing. Pidge told him the Keith got to pick out of the Paladins, as the activity was more about Keith discovering for himself than how it would help. Keith thought about it.

Hunk was out of the question because he would be too timid and that would cause Keith to have to spend more time doing the mind melt. Pidge would have a curiosity and be too loose lipped under the pressure of Coran and Shiro asking. Coran and Shiro would both be too… parental. Allura and Coran would probably be confused, if anything about Earth’s culture came into play. So there was only one option left; Lance. Keith figured that Lance has seen Keith basically naked, a feat Keith would only grant to those who knew him well. Lance was too occupied with his own healing. He would get the information but be stubborn enough to keep it to himself. Stubborn, or empathetic. Keith would not be to blame, as his portion of the task would be complete.

“Lance,” Keith told Pidge. Their expression of surprise was priceless.

“Lance?!” Pidge questioned. Keith nodded in confirmation.

“Once he’s done with Hunk, fetch me. I’ll be in the library.” Keith said before stalking out.

“Hey Mullet,” Keith heard a gentle voice say to him. A calming voice. Keith blinked a few times while opening his eyes, aware of someone lightly shaking him out of slumber.

“Keeeeeith. It’s Lance. Wake up!”

Keith stretched and rubbed his eyes. Where was he? He must have made a facial expression because Lance seemed to have read his mind.

“Pidge found you in the library, dozing off on the window sill. They said you picked me to do the mind melt thingy with?”

Keith nodded.

“Well, I am honored to go through that thick mullet of yours and see if there is anything besides angst and hair in there.”

Keith tried his best to annoyedly punch Lance in the arm but his groggy, sleep-deprived muscles did not want him to be coordinated. He ended up slumping off of the sill onto the ground. Lance quickly offered Keith help up, which Keith took. Lance seemed surprised at this for a moment but quickly brushed it off. Keith trudged after Lance as they went to find Coran. Keith listened to Lance attempting to explain what had been explained to him. Keith got a few things from what Lance said. Since it was the two of them, basically they could go wherever they wanted to do it. Coran will have to watch and monitor, but would not be able to see any of the memories. Lance told Keith he could pick a spot.

It didn’t really hit Keith until they found Coran exactly what they were going to do. Was he really going to let Lance look at his memories? What if this is all for nothing and his insomnia is just due to biology? However, the pod was supposed to fix that. So if it did fix the biological component, then the psychological component was probably the cause. Even so, Keith didn’t like the idea of Lance having access to his memories. In the other mind melts, he was just barely able to suppress the bad memories so the others wouldn’t see. He didn’t want the crew to worry about him. Or worse, treat him as if he was broken. A child. But now Lance only had Keith to focus on. He wanted to be close with Lance enough to tell the blue paladin all his darkest secrets. But he wanted that to come true from dating, not because they were both experiencing mental anguish. Keith thought about how much he had been hiding from the other paladins. About why he was averse to touch. Why he preferred to keep a wall up. Why he had so little possessions.

“Keith?!” Someone exclaimed. Lance. It was Lance’s voice. And a warm hand, firm yet gentle on his shoulder. When Keith opened his eyes, he found himself sitting on the floor, in the fetal position, with Lance kneeling in front of him and a hand on his shoulder. Lance registered that Keith was now looking at him.

“Keith, you scared me,” Lance sighed. Keith’s breathing slowed down. He was hyperventilating? Lance dropped the hand from Keith’s shoulder. “Your breathing is better. Is it because of the mind melt?”

Keith shook his head, averting his gaze.

“Ok. Whenever you’re ready, we can continue.”

Keith abruptly stood up. Coran approached them. He had witnessed Keith’s anxiety attack too.

“Is there any place in particular you want to do this?” Coran asked. Keith shrugged. Lance suggested somewhere private, that way no one could interrupt unless they needed to. He offered up him room and Keith agreed by heading there without a word.

Lance grabbed a comfy bench from a nearby room. He gestured to his bed in a way that suggested it was Keith’s spot.

“Dude, that’s YOUR bed,” Keith said. 

“Yeah, and I am offering it to you since your mental discomfort may be worse than mine.”

Keith reluctantly sat on the bed. Lance sat on the bench. Coran hooked Lance up to the head device that performed the mind melt, making sure it was comfortable on the Blue Paladin. Since the two boys had the other brain-monitoring devices, it took Coran a little longer to figure out how to make it so the devices could co-exist.

After its application, Lance laid down on the bench. The bench supported Lance from his head all the way to his knees, which left his feet and lower-legs to dangle. Keith took this moment to admire Lance. His lean muscles. His soft hair that Keith wanted to brush his fingers through. Lance’s beautiful eyes, in which he was deprived of because Lance’s eyes were closed. Keith really wanted to kiss those lips, feel their softness against his lips, and down his neck, and down his torso, and around his-

“Comfy?” Coran asked, yanking Keith from his thoughts. Coran had to put Keith’s hair in a ponytail in order to get the device on his head. Keith wiggled his head around; the device was firmly there. It wasn’t comfy but it also was not necessarily UNcomfortable. Keith nodded.

“When it is just two people, it’s best to actually have physical contact.” Coran stated. Lance and Keith exchanged looks; Keith of embarrassment, and Lance of surprise. Lance and Keith locked eyes.

“Is that okay Keith?” Lance asked.

“Why,” Keith asked through gritted teeth “must we touch?” 

“With 5 people doing this, it is easier to break down people’s walls and trust. When there’s only two, the touch helps bring the physical and mental together.”

“How much?” Keith was shaking slightly. He was surprised Lance was cool, or at least he seemed fine with it.

“Maybe you both could lay on the bed? At the very least, hold hands between your current positions. Again, it helps to have contact but you don’t need it.”

“Well I have some thick walls,” Keith said, glaring daggers at Lance. Hopefully he gets how much trust he is giving Lance. No matter how strategic his choice in mind melt partner was. “So touch would probably help.”

“And you are okay with it?” Lance asked.

“I wouldn’t go that far. I don’t have many options here.”

Lance got up and sat next to Keith on the bed. Coran double-checked the devices as Keith and Lance figured out how to position themselves. According to Coran, due to how deep into Keith’s mind Lance might be going, they would be unconscious and unaware of where they really were. Meaning they would have to lay down. Lance asked if skin to skin contact mattered and Coran told them as long as some skin touched, they would be good. Lance asked Keith what position would be best.

“You’re the one who was assaulted. Shouldn’t you pick with what you are comfortable?!” Keith retorted. Lance was being soft and selfless with Keith. Seeing him like this was for some reason scary. No one had ever been like this with Keith. He wasn’t used to have open-ended choices. He immediately regretted the words when a look of hurt flickered on Lance’s face, as if he had just been shot. Keith averted his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Sorry. That was harsh.” Keith muttered loud enough to hear. He took a deep breath.

“Is the, uh, position from… that night you helped me…. Okay?”

Lance was basically asking about spooning. Keith nodded. “If it is okay with you.”

Lance placed himself near the wall of the bed, awaiting Keith to join him. Coran programmed his tablet to set up the mind melt. He told the two boys that he would be there the entire time. Shiro would be joining later in case they need to split up or need extra help. Keith lowered himself into Lance. Lance could feel how tense Keith was. Keith flinched when Lance wrapped an arm around him, squeaking slightly. He was hyper aware of the touch.

Normally he would revel in the thought of being touched by Lance. And when he and Lance had helped each other, Keith was comfortable then because his touch-aversion was counter-acted with the need to help Lance. Now? He was highly uncomfortable.

“Keith,” Coran said “you need to relax. Your body and your mind.”

Lance whispered into Keith’s ear, the warm breath on his ear sending chills down his spine.

“Is it okay if I help?” Lance asked. Keith swallowed hard.

“How?” 

“You’re very tense, which is valid, but you need to relax.”

Why was this so goddamn hard for Keith? He just needed to relax. Why couldn’t he do that?

“Well, I have, well, experience with helping others relax.”

Coran explained that if Lance were to help, he would leave the room and come back once they were ready. Coran left, saying he was going to update Shiro about the situation. Lance asked if he could hold Keith’s hand and Keith agreed. Lance rubbed his thumb on top of the hand in circles, going hard and then light. When Lance was done, he moved up to Keith’s wrist, repeating the motion. Lance asked to go into Keith’s shoulders and Keith nodded. He was soon putty in Lance’s hands. Lance massaged his shoulders, his upper back. Keith let out a few moans as tension was released, blushing profusely after. Lance asked if he could get into Keith’s hips but Keith sputtered out a ‘no’. Lance continued with his back, relieved as he felt Keith relaxing.

Either Coran turned Keith’s device on, or Keith was so relaxed he fell asleep. Lance examined the device; it was not on.

“Coran?” Lance called through his communicator. He answered. “Keith is relaxed now. He fell asleep. Does he need to be awake when the device is turned on?”

“Should still work. He is expecting you to be prodding there. If we had done this without his consent while he slept, the device wouldn’t work.”

Lance was soon dozing off, his crush in arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger… kinda? Stay tuned for more chapters!


	6. Journey to the Center of the Mullet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for abuse (committed by Father), an attempted sexual abuse (not described in detail)

Usually when they did mind melt with the crew, the images were immediate. Lance closed his eyes and he was immediately shown various options of his fellow Paladin’s memories. He could choose who to see and could generally move freely. If someone was blocking a memory from the group or from him, there would be a wall there and no way to break it down. Coran explained before that the others could potentially break it down together by force, but it was not recommended. The mindmelt experience was generally calm and easy.

But when are things ever easy with Keith?

Lance experienced a blackness for what felt like years. He felt as if he was wandering around aimlessly with no goal and no idea what to do. He tried talking, seeing if Keith, or anybody, was out there. He yelled into the void for hours, but he suspected only minutes passed by. He walked and walked and walked and walked until he felt his legs give out. He collapsed onto whatever floor was in this space. As soon as his butt hit, there was a deep rumbling. He felt it and heard it at the same time. Pieces breaking away into another darkness, this time with a hint of light. The floor gave out and Lance was free falling. He felt his shirt whipping in the wind as his eyes adjusted to the minimal light there was. He could see a location, a focal point miles below him. For a second he freaked out; the feeling of falling made him think he was going to die but then he reminded himself he was in Keith’s mind. Or, at least, trying to get there.

His body hit the bottom; Lance found himself swimming. He could breathe, thankfully. Not that he needed to, necessarily. Lance figured he would wait for something to happen. He knew he was not in control here. He would move when whatever force was controlling the environment wanted him to move. He could kind of see underneath the water. It was a deep red color, the consistency of water. As if he was in the ocean and a red light was casted across the entirety of the water. An echoey voice called out to him, something inaudible from below the water’s surface. Lance swam up. He heard multiple breathy sounds, eventually hearing his name.

“Lance!” A scared male voice cried out. Lance would recognize that voice anywhere. It was Keith.

“Keith! I’m in water! I don’t know what you can do but-” Lance called back but the voice cut him off.

“Lance!” It said again, this time more frightened. Lance hoped Keith could hear him.

“Keith, I’m here. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

Something grabbed his ankle sharply, yanked him beneath the water. Lance almost tried kicking whatever had him but restrained himself. He was pulled down, down, down. His back and butt hit a surface. Then the hand let go and Lance felt as if he was on a water slide. One that was heading straight down. Lance felt air on his face again. He was falling. Again.

This time when he landed, it was on a hard surface. It didn’t hurt, thankfully. It was also in a room. He was in a bathroom, a rather small one. Lance rubbed his eyes and stood up in the bathtub that also doubled as a shower. The furniture looked lived-in, but not damaged. The bathroom was definitely used recently. A knock at a door outside of the bathroom stole Lance’s attention. He got out of the bath and exited the bathroom.

He recognized the place immediately; it was Keith’s home in the desert. He had gone there when they first found Shiro and the blue lion. At the door was a young boy with a mullet that Lance would recognize anywhere. Someone knocked at the door again.

“Who is it?” Young Keith called. Lance at this angle could see Keith had a kitchen knife in his hand, placed perfectly behind him. 

“Hello, we got a report that there is a child in this house. It’s social services, may we come in?”  
Keith put away the knife and opened the door. Three people in fancy clothes entered. Two of them looked around the small living space while the other addressed Keith. The woman crouched down so that she was Keith’s height.

“Hi there. I’m Mrs. Dale. What’s your name?” She said softly. Keith crossed his arms.

Lance estimated Keith was between 9 and 11 years old. His eye contact kept with Mrs. Dale’s in a way that no preteen should be. 

“Keith.” He huffed. 

One of the other agents came over to the bathroom. They seemed to not be able to see Lance, thankfully. 

“It’s clear. There’s no one else here.” The lady going through Lance called. Lance shivered.

“Tell me, Keith, does anyone live here?” 

“I do.” Keith deadpanned. His eyes seemed to glint in amusement when Mrs Dale exhaled in annoyance.

“Anyone else? A brother, sister, parent, cousin?”

“No.” Keith removed his eye contact, now interested in the ceiling rather than the two agents examining his living space and the one asking questions. Mrs. Dale wrote something down on her clipboard before continuing.

“Keith, I would like you to come with me and my friends here and we can sort something out. You can’t live here alone by yourself, you see. Something bad could happen to you.”

Lance wanted to know how THAT encounter turned out, however he was not shown the rest of it. His surroundings blurred and shifted colors. They snapped back, this time Lance in a new location.

He was inside a car, Mrs Dale and a police officer riding in the front, Lance and Young Keith riding in the back. Lance had two suitcases and two boxes inside of him. 

“Keith, I think you are going to like it here. We have three children being fostered. How exciting!” Mrs Dale said from her place in the driver’s seat. Keith huffed, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Lance noticed a metal bracelet on Keith’s skinny little wrist.

The house they came to was gigantic. They arrived in a suburban neighborhood that had big yards and a playground in the subdivision. There was a couple on the front porch waiting nervously. They were a white couple, both dressed to show off their socioeconomic status. Keith had one look at them and muttered a curse word.

While Mrs. Dale exited the car first, walking up to meet the couple enthusiastically, the police officer turning to look at Keith.

“Listen. You cause any trouble for this family, and you will be sent away to a worse home with parents who technically are allowed to foster children, but not by much. You understand me, boy?”

The police officer was trying to look intimidating with his eye contact but Lance could tell he was intimidated by Keith as the young boy stared him in the eyes and said nothing. Mrs. Dale opened the door gently, as if any noise would cause Keith to run off.

“Mr and Mrs Winters, this is Keith,” she cheerfully introduced. Keith hesitated before getting out of the car.

“Hi Keith,” Mrs Winters said slowly. She looked Keith up and down; Keith did not respond. Mrs Winters’ gaze faltered and looked at Mrs Dale. “Does he speak English, or…?”

Keith smirked as Mrs Dale looked astonished at Mrs Winters comment. She recovered quickly, plastering on her smile.

“Yes, he just seems to be a bit shy.”

“Dude!” Lance exclaimed, knowing that they couldn’t hear him, “Keith is RIGHT THERE?!”

Mr Winters stepped forward to be beside Keith, clapped a hand on Keith’s shoulder, and chuckled a big belly chuckle. No one besides Lance seemed to notice the way Keith flinched and recoiled, the touch unexpected.

“Don’t worry Keith. You are a part of our family now. We’ll have tons of time to warm up to each other. How about you and I grab your things,” he looked at his wife, “while Mrs. Winters gets the other children. I can show you your room!”

Lance saw that the prolonged contact was affecting Keith in a way that surprised him; Keith was leaning into the contact. Mr Winters let him go after a long pause and Keith looked confused with himself. They unloaded his things and entered the house. 

The other children were at school so Mrs. Winters left to pick them up. Mr Winters showed Keith he would be sharing with the other boy in the house. The room was decently big, enough for two children to have their own space.

Lance watched Keith, dark and brooding from a young age, who had lost his father, lived alone for who knows how long, adjust to the family. Dinner was the hardest. Keith was not used to being fed and often got sick from overeating. He overheard the Winters talking about him sometimes. They were worried mostly, wondering if Keith was okay. They discussed with Keith the possibility of attending school with the other kids. Keith mostly kept to himself and the kids seemed scared of him. 

Keith’s first lash out in the house ended up also being his last. The kid he shared a room with, Kirkland, made a comment to Keith about how much of a freak he was because he hadn’t been to school yet. Apparently the other foster children were able to enter after a week, while Keith had stayed with them for a month. Mr Winters was just coming up to fetch the two boys for supper and Lance watched this old man pry Young Keith off of Kirkland and hold him down while the eldest daughter, Elisa, came and helped Kirkland remove himself. Keith was out of that house within the next few days. Kirkland had a broken nose and split lip after Keith was removed from him.

Lance watched Keith be bumped around a few houses. Keith was ignored and left to his own devices in certain households. The fourth household was where the mindscape slowed down so Lance could be a part of it. Keith entered a household with two other children, a brother and sister. This family seemed nice at the beginning, Keith had learned that if he wanted out, all he had to do was get aggressive and most families would kick him out. Defiance was his best weapon. This house changed that.

Keith was about 11, Lance guessed. This family were the Rogersons, the mother Heidi, father Ronald, and the kids, both biological, Emily and Keaton. Emily was about 15 and Keaton was 12. The family was very white too. Wearing sweater vests and slacks, except for Heidi who was dressed in scrubs. They were decently well off. Each child had their own room. The house was three stories. Heidi explained that they were in the middle of changing their basement for guests, so their guest room upstairs could be converted for Keith. The cop from his first move had told Keith this was the last straw before sending him to an orphanage or juvie, depending on what happens. The Rogerson family was pleasant at the beginning. Keaton and Emily were shy, and Keith was forced to go to school by the second day. Keaton showed Keith around the school and took him to class.

Keith (and Lance) learned that Heidi had taken a few days off work to help get Keith settled. Keith was given the support he needed the first week, mostly from Heidi. She looked up schools in the area when Keith expressed an interest in going to a school to become a pilot or fighter, or to work in law enforcement. She found a few schools and they sent in an application a few months later to be registered in the new school year. She always made time to listen to Keith’s problems and somehow was able to get him to talk. She gave attention to the other children too. Keith felt like he didn’t want to disappoint her.

She wasn’t the one Keith had to worry about.

Heidi had to go to a conference to represent the hospital she worked at and learn some nursing things Keith didn’t really understand. Unfortunately, this happened to also be the first week Keith got in a fight. It wasn’t even his fault. He was minding his own business, eating his lunch with Keaton and his friends (because Keaton actually wanted Keith to hang out with him), when one of the other students came up to the group. This boy, twice the size of Keaton and Keith, started calling one of the other guy’s in the group horrible names. Homophobic names, derogatory, and downright insulting. Keith stood up and told him to back off. He wasn’t exactly vocal in the friend group, so they all went silent. Watching the scene play out. Keith informed the kid exactly what he would do. The bigger boy took Keaton’s friend by the arm and yanked him from the table.

The first teacher to intervene pried Keith off of the kid, the second went to stop the bleeding on the bigger kid. Broken nose, tooth knocked out.

Ron was not pleased. They sent Keith home and he stood and listened to Ron yell. It was the same speech other foster parents had given him. You’ll be sent away, you can’t hit people, you have to work on your anger management. It was when Ron grabbed Keith’s arm that he started paying attention; it caught him off guard.

Lance watched, helplessly, as Ron dragged Keith up into the bathroom upstairs. Pushed him against the wall. Took off Keith’s shirt. Keith was too frozen, too shocked, to do anything. Lance knew the feeling. Ron punched him, repeatedly. All placed where Keith would cover up with clothes. Ron left him in the bathroom, crumpled up, shirtless. As he left, he told Keith that next time it would be worse.

The next day, a call was made to the house before the kids went to school. Keith was suspended. Keaton and Emily both gave Keith a knowing look. One that Keaton had given Keith after Keith’s shower when he saw the bruise on his shoulder as they passed by in the hall. 

Keith didn’t expect them to do anything or protect them. They were kids too, just like Keith. They probably had endured this for longer, likely for years. They were afraid of their father. Keith, and Lance, did wonder if Heidi knew. Was Heidi a victim too?

Ron stripped Keith down to his underwear this time. Keith struggled against him but Ron threatened Keith with punishing Keaton and Emily if he didn’t accept his punishment. That made Keith obey, and Ron was satisfied he found a way to manipulate Keith into submission.

Ron had decided, after Keith went back to school, to beat him almost daily. And to surprise him. He would come in the night sometimes, after Heidi was asleep, gag Keith so he couldn’t scream, and beat him. A few times, during Heidi’s night shifts, Ron grabbed Keaton or Emily and beat them for something Keith did. That’s when Keith started behaving in school. And when Keith started staying up late.

Keith had all of his belongings with him and he swore that one day, he would use that weird knife on Ron. If he ever got worse, if that was possible.

Keith’s last night in the household was wild. It was approximately 6 months after the first time Keith got suspended. Keith had just stayed up late to listen for Ron coming, or to be aware if he was going into Keaton or Emily’s room. Heidi had left for work a few hours prior, around 1AM Friday night. Everyone else had gone to bed. The way the house was set up, Keith was able to hear Keaton if he was making any noise, as his room was across from Keith’s. Emily’s room was to the right of Keith’s, a bathroom between them. The walls were thin though; Emily had brought one of her “friends” over before and were making it VERY clear that they weren’t just friends. Keith could hear them from his room. He could also hear Ron’s footsteps coming up the stairs. Emily had gotten detention for inappropriate public displays of affection at school.

Keith heard him enter the room and her protests. Her protests turned into confused questions, then more alarming protests. Her voice was muffled.

Something about it didn’t feel right for Keith. He tiptoed over to the door of Emily’s room and peeked a head inside of her room. The door was open.

Keith, blinded by rage, didn’t realize he had smacked Ron over the head until a shard of glass embedded itself in his arm. Didn’t realize that Ron was bleeding until the door opened wider, shedding light in. Didn’t realize Emily’s pajama top was on the floor until Ron threw it at Keith. Emily screamed - who wouldn’t? - which alerted Keaton.

Keith tried backing out of the room, hand grabbing the garment on his face. Lance watched as Ron beat the shit out of Keith, not giving a fuck about his bleeding head.

“YOU BASTARD!” Punch “YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!” Kick “YOU’RE GONNA DIE!”  
Keith’s memory went fuzzy for Lance, seeing the scene play out distorted. Ron threw Keith out of the room and into the wall. Keaton was in the hall, videoing on his phone (a blurry rectangle in his hand). Next the surrounding went black.

Keith was in the hospital for a few days. Keaton and Emily had called the cops after Keith passed out. Heidi was livid; she was the one who had to look after Keith in the hospital, as she was working in the emergency room. Ron was arrested. The kids had to all give statements, Keith’s being done when they made sure he was healthy enough to.

The next week, the admissions advisor for the Galaxy Garrison came to the hospital to inform Keith he was accepted, as long as he was deemed healthy enough. Keith was not permanently injured, they mostly kept him in hospital due to the concussion he received from Ron smacking his head against the wall. Keith recovered well from the physical, but not from the mental.  
Keith, that night, was alone in his hospital room. This was the second night he was not on drugs, just kept for observation. Keith laid in bed, in the dark, and wept softly to himself while he tried to sleep.

“So… now you know” a familiar voice came behind Ghost Lance. Lance turned around and, there in the doorway, was Keith as Lance knew him now. His face was rigid and unmoving. Keith was looking at his younger self, staring for a minute. Lance didn’t know what to say.

“Do you….” Lance said after a long pause “remember this at all?”

Keith sighed, heavily. His eyes closed and he crossed his arms.

“I remember the house. I remember the situation and that it happened. I didn’t remember each individual-” his voice hiked up and it was a minute before he spoke again. “I guess I repressed the memories because they were too painful.”

Lance wanted to reach out and give Keith a hug but he reminded himself that they were not actually together. Were they able to touch each other in this form? Since he and Keith were both in the same form, maybe they could? Lance looked for a sign from Keith that he wanted to be comforted physically. The other man was not focused on Lance. Once his eyes opened, his gaze was cast at his younger self, frozen in time and memory as the two older boys were talking. Keith’s face was hard, as if repressing something. His shoulders were hunched.

Suddenly the scene changed. The space around them blurred; it startled Keith. Lance found out that he could touch Keith in this form, because Keith lunged towards Lance out of fear of what was happening. They held onto each other as if their lives depended on it. The area settled in a building Lance was unfamiliar with. He wasn’t sure where they were; they were in a hallway of sorts, with a few rooms along the way. The walls were a steely grey and undecorated. Out of one of the rooms came a police officer and then Lance realized that they were in a police headquarters. Still holding onto Keith, he asked if Keith knew where or what this was. Keith just nodded and pushed away from Lance. The Blue Paladin understood; he watched as a police officer escorted Young Keith out of a room, unfortunately at the same time that one was bringing Ronald to these rooms. He started shouting at Keith and, if he wasn’t in handcuffs, would probably have hurt Young Keith.

Lance saw the effect this had on his Keith immediately. Keith flinched when Ronald started yelling at his former self, slowly going into a defensive position on the floor. It broke Lance’s heart. The scene paused with Ronald trying to yell down the hallway at Young Keith, half of his body inside the room and half out. Young Keith being shielded from Ron by the police officer with him. Lance stared long and hard at the disgusting human being in front of them.

“If you don’t mind me asking, is he the reason why you have such a negative reaction to touch?” Lance asked, turning his attention back to Keith. Keith was hugging his knees, looking up at Ronald with an anger Lance could understand. It was one only felt towards someone who has violated you. Emotionally or physically.

“I was… uncomfortable with touch before this. But I think this is why I can react so extremely.”

“That’s understandable.” Lance continued to look at Keith. They were silent for a while, trapped in this frozen scene for what felt like hours. Lance had eventually sidled next to Keith, resting his head on his shoulders. The scene shifted again.

He saw Keith enter the Galaxy Garrison after Ronald’s trial. He watched as Keith’s workers from the government met him at the Garrison, telling him how proud of him they were and that they couldn’t wait to see him succeed. Lance noticed how Mrs. Dale kept looking over Keith, as if examining him for wounds or bruises. They probably knew about the trial and everything that happened. He watched as Shiro, with his black hair and both arms, embraced Keith. Shiro had read Keith’s file. He was the designated person for Keith to go to when he was upset, or needed to talk. Unless Keith bonded with any of the other staff. 

The first night this happened, Keith was in his bedroom in the Garrison. He had a rough day and his roommate was not in the room. Keith was trying to get to sleep in his bunk. The roommate crept into the room, not wanting to disturb Keith. Unfortunately, it reminded Keith of when Ronald used to creep in, and he started hyperventilating. 

Lance could only see the physical reactions of Young Keith, but his Keith was also starting to hyperventilate. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and squeezed, hoping that it would ground him. Despite being in non-physical form.

Young Keith’s roommate - Lance could NOT remember this dude’s name - tried talking to Keith but he was freaked out by this reaction. Keith stumbled out of bed and ran to the one place he was told was safe; Shiro’s apartment. He leaned against the wall for support as Young Keith made his way down the hall. The adrenaline inside of him was obviously kicking in, the Fight/Flight/Freeze response favoring one particular option.

Shiro let Keith in, grounded him, and made him some tea. Shiro’s roommate, who Lance knew was Adam, came out of their shared bedroom in his boxers and groggily asked what was going on. Adam, upon recognizing Keith and realizing the situation, went to grab something. Shiro sat on the couch with Keith and reminded him over and over that he was safe, he was at the Garrison, that he was currently in Shiro’s apartment. Adam reemerged with a blanket, draped it around Keith’s shoulders.

“Shiro’s like a big brother to me.” older Keith said. He was still curled up with his legs to his chest. “He can help me most of the time, but lately I feel that Shiro doesn’t know how.”  
Keith explained that Shiro only really knew about the nightmares and thought that the insomnia thing was rare. That Keith was having episodes, rather than it being a consistent problem.

After this scene that played out, the area around them went dark. Keith reached out and grabbed Lance’s hand, both unable to really see the other.

“Lance?” Keith’s voice was small and scared.

“I think it means the session is over. We should be waking up soon.” Lance said. This was how he usually exited the mind melts. His mind would go dark, the memories of everyone else fading to black. He would open his eyes and then see his fellow Paladins.

But that didn’t happen this time.

The floor opened up. Lance felt Keith grab onto him as the pair started freefalling, Keith yelling out curse words and clinging onto Lance for dear life. Lance rubbed Keith’s back in an attempt to sooth him. They fell and fell and fell and clung to each other. When they hit water, they were forced to let go of each other. Immediately the water started spiraling, as if it was being sucked into a whirlpool. Lance slammed against another body, not by his own volition. It was Keith. They held onto each other as they descended down into the whirlpool and onto a slide. Then they were deposited into a dimly lit area, where Lance could barely make out Keith’s body. There wasn’t any water here and, despite being literally under water, his clothes were dry. Keith clambered over to be next to Lance. His clothes seemed to be dry as well.

“This isn’t how it usually goes.” Lance remarked. “That’s how I entered your mind. Didn’t enjoy it the first time, and it didn’t really get better.”

“What’s over there?” Keith asked. Lance realized that while he had been talking and focusing on Keith, a door had appeared about 20 feet away. They both got up and approached the door. It was standing alone, seeming to be just a door. Keith could go on one side and Lance on the other. There was something written in another language on the “front” door. Keith went to open it but it seemed to be locked. Lance decided to try; when he did, it was able to open. A light shined bright from the inside.

“Maybe this is our way out?” Lance guessed.

Keith grabbed his hand and they went through the door together.

The music was loud and blaring, just as Lance remembered. Looking down at his body, he was in those clothes again. He felt as if he had swallowed a rock and the rock sat at the bottom of his stomach, wanting to go farther but blocking the way for anything else to leave. He was at the snack table, chatting up some of the aliens.

They were not in the Castle. They were still in the mind melt. Except instead of Keith’s memories, they were now in Lance’s. And it was the night of the party on Onyx. And Keith was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! Keith and Lance's mind melt journey isn't over. Stay tuned :)


	7. Nightmares and Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the length of this chapter makes up for how long of a wait it was to write it :)
> 
> CW: References to past abuse

Lance separated from his body, falling backward and through the snack table. He was shaking in this spirit-like form. His actual body, or at least the one people here were interacting with, was acting as he did.

Not again, Lance thought, Please don’t let me live through this again.

Lance watched as he consumed vibrant delicacies of Onyx and danced with the people there. Out of everyone in Voltron, he was the most extroverted. He seemed to be one of those people who interacted with people well. Lance attributed it to him growing up in a large family. He just liked people and they liked him. A few more people at the party gravitated towards him, as he was new and different. He watched from the snack table as they offered him more food and drinks. His memory-form wasn’t aware of what they would do. Of what were feeding him, what would happen.

Lance, the one that was a spirit, tried to stand up. His limbs kept failing him and he was hyperventilating, despite not actually needing to breathe in this space. Yet he felt like he was suffocating. An echoey voice called out to him.

“Lllllllllance?”

It was a voice he recognized. Why could he not pin who it was?

The party Lance was now in the middle of a group of aliens, THE group. Lance couldn’t focus on anything else. He had to do something. Why weren’t any of the aliens around him doing anything? Could they not recognize how his personality had changed? That he was slurring his words and not balanced? Weren’t some of the other Paladins watching him?

Lance watched as two of the aliens discussed something, pointing over to party Lance and then pointed upstairs.

What if Lance could stop this? What if he could stop his former self from going up there?  
Lance looked around and tried interacting with someone. To tell someone to go get him, to return him to his Paladins. People he knew. Thinking about who should retrieve him, Lance briefly thought of Keith. Keith did not like parties, and was likely going back to the castle as soon as he could. Keith would have begrudgingly brought his intoxicated ass back to the ship, his night of partying not being ruined. 

Thinking of Keith made him think of the Keith that was with him. Spirit Keith was here too, probably. Where was he? Where was Keith when this was happening? 

Lance tried approaching multiple people. Waving his hands around, calling out, yelling. No one responded to him. No one acknowledged his existence. Lance tried getting his spirit form into someone’s head but he just passed through them. He recalled that he had fallen from Party Lance’s body. Maybe he could go back? Warn himself? Get him to go back to the Castle? Lance quickly found his Party self. They were at the part of the night when the group convinced him to go inside the house because they wanted to talk and learn about humans and Earth. There was still some time before Party Keith found him. 

Lance did not remember this well, and when he was watching it, he could tell. The scene kept switching and becoming fuzzy. People would switch places, they would say different things, Party Lance would say different things. Starting when the aliens began drugging him with their food. Up until Keith came in. He went through this memory over and over for what seemed like forever. Lance was crying out of frustration. Why couldn’t he do something? Why did this happen to him? He had not watched the assault yet so why was he so emotional? He wanted to scream and he did scream. No one did anything. No one could hear him and he was utterly alone. To face this situation alone. Lance went through the memory seven more times then heard that same echoey voice calling his name. Lance searched the crowd, trying to identify the cause. The source. It was when he heard it once more he realized it was Coran’s voice.

“Coran?” Lance called out. He found Coran at the party during another run through of his memory. This was Coran at the party. He did not seem to actually be calling out to him. 

Coran called his name twice more. The music drowned his voice out and reminded Lance where he was at, what he was doing. The scene replayed again and again. Always stopping just before Keith found him. It was too loud, the colors were too bright and too dark at the same time, the food’s aroma was making him dizzy and nauseous despite not actually being in physical form. He wanted out and away. Why was he here? Did the outside people program this as a way to face his trauma? In hopes that facing what happened would cause Lance to come to terms with it? Lance collapsed to the ground in tears that felt so real. He sobbed. He wailed. The scene played again. His spirit form started being dragged by his feet over to his memory body. Lance closed his eyes and waited for the impact, waited for the scene to move on and re-experience his trauma. He was helpless. He couldn’t do anything.

Hands grabbed his spirit form. They were firm and started pulling. With closed eyes, Lance tried yanking himself free. He would not be taken earlier. He would not let himself go down without a fight.

Someone called his name. Not Coran; this one sounded closer and was not echoing. Lance took a breath and opened his eyes, instantly relaxing. He was halfway to where his memory body was, inside the house on the bottom floor. Keith, hands firmly on his wrists, was pulling him away. And just like that, the pull to his body stopped. Keith helped Lance up to his feet.

“Lance, what happened?” Keith asked. Lance felt safer with Keith there but he was still hyperventilating. 

“Hey, Lance,” Keith said but softer. 

Lance was looking around, wondering when the next attack or change would be. What if they come after Keith now too? A soft hand was gingerly placed on his cheek, lightly pushing his head to meet Keith’s eyes.

“Come on Lance. Breathe with me.” Keith said, somehow being soft and firm at the same time. Keith lightly brought one of Lance’s hands to his chest. Lance felt Keith’s chest rise and fall in long intakes and exhales. Lance focused his attention on that and trying to match Keith’s breaths. With Keith’s help and encouraging affirmations he was able to get back to normal. He let his hand drop once his breathing was normal. 

“Did you go through that memory yet?” Keith asked. Lance shook his head.

“It stops right before you enter the scene.”

Keith said he appeared in his own body but was unable to escape it to find Lance until he witnessed something pulling him into his body. The scene apparently had been repeating for him as well. They watched as memory Keith found memory Lance. Their conversation was blurry and repeated itself with different dialogue and aliens. The only thing that stayed constant was Keith. Then Keith left to go to the castle and explore the ship. The conversation with Lance and the aliens continued. After a while, Lance was starting to sober up. They brought him out on the dance floor, giving him more food. More drinks. They got Lance intoxicated and started leading him upstairs. 

Spirit Lance blinked away tears that had formed.

“Shall we go witness?” Lance croaked out. 

“Do we have a choice?” Keith huffed.

“I don’t think so.” Lance swallowed hard. He looked at Keith nervously, knowing that watching something like this could hurt him. Second hand trauma, or survivors guilt, or whatever it was called was not something he wanted Keith to have to go through. Again. Keith had already been through abusive situations. Hell, his brain could have been repressing sexual abuse from the various homes he had been to and Keith just not have access to that trauma. If that was the case, Lance REALLY didn’t want to put Keith through that. Lance would not be able to help Keith if he was also triggered.

Keith looked defiantly at the staircase, a spark in his eyes. Was it anger? Determination? 

“No way.” Keith said simply, a threatening undertone to the sharp words. Lance looked at him, confused.

“Uh, what?”

Keith turned his focus to Lance. He reached out to him but drew his hand back, seeming to reconsider touching Lance. 

“Lance you do not owe me that. You do not have to remember that trauma to start healing from it. I do not have to see it to help you. Honestly, I do not want to see that. Your assault was horrible and should never have happened. You do not need to show me this and, if this is someone on the ship’s doing, they should not have put us in this situation. Frankly it is atrocious to have to relive the assault and have no choice to. Being forced to relive this while having me watch. That’s disgusting. I do not want to watch that.”

Keith took a breath. 

“Lance. If anyone tries to ask you for the gory details, for you to describe in detail what happened, come get me.”

Lance wiped a tear from his eye and crossed his arms self-consciously.

“Why?”

“Because,” Keith said simply, “I will punch them in the face. If they want porn they can get it off the internet. You’re shit is yours, it’s deeply personal, and you shouldn’t have to show everything.”

“But I saw what you went through.” Lance said, his voice quiet and soft. “And you revealed some pretty personal stuff. I don’t want to make you feel exposed-”

“Lance,” Keith cut him off “I don’t mind. There were awful things that happened but… god… I have a hard time opening up to people. You know this. Anyone who knows me can sense this. At first, I opened up to you, I chose you because I figured you would not tell the others anything and would be the least strict about helping. That you had to focus on your own healing and not on mine. But now? I WANT you to know. I feel…”

Keith’s face scrunched up and his hands were now in front of him, as if he could grab the words his brain was failing to produce. 

“I feel better. Free.”

There was a certain relaxation in Keith’s eyes and he knew that Keith was telling the truth. The looks went from this to a mischievous gleam.

“What do you say we break the system?”

Lance looked around at the scene, the surroundings repeating the scene before his assault.

“How? How do we stop the cycle?”

Keith looked around too. He suggested going to the Castle, finding doors. Different doors that could lead the way out. This time, he reached out and grabbed Lance’s hand. Lance embraced the contact, having imagined doing this with Keith in a much different scenario. In his real body, not this spirit one. He imagined, both before and after the assault, Keith’s hands doing more than just hand holding. But here they were, in spirit form, holding hands.

Keith and he ran, hand in hand, to the Castle of Lions. As they made their way to the Castle, the trip there became shorter and shorter, until all of a sudden they were in the Castle. Keith led the way through the halls and to his room. Lance and Keith stopped for a moment at the door. Keith looked at Lance, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“I want out!” Keith yelled. He opened his door, pulling Lance through, and yelled it again as they entered.

The room was empty. The door closed behind them. They stood there for a second, wondering why they were still there, what they should try next. But then the room changed. It shifted and darkened, while the two boys stayed the same.

Keith found himself holding onto Lance, and Lance onto him, as their legs were swallowed by the melting floor. It was sinking, swallowing the boys slowly. They tried holding onto each other, staying connected as long as they could. But the floor ripped them apart, engulfed them whole. Into an inky darkness that was suffocating. Keith grabbed at his throat, begging air to enter. 

“Keith! Keith it’s okay, you can breathe!”

He jerked to a sitting position, gasping for air. Oh god, AIR. He could breathe. He was breathing. In and out. Quick and short. There was too much yet not enough at the same time. His throat and lungs were grabbing desperately for air.

Hands were on his back now, something pressing to his face. It was making it easier to breathe. Keith recoiled at the touch however. Someone said his name again; Keith slowly opened his eyes. Lance’s beautiful features were in front of him, scrunched up in concern. Lance hesitantly looked at Keith, his hands hovering above Keith’s knees. Lance’s features softened in relief when they made eye contact. Keith realized the hand that was still on his back did not belong to Lance. He looked to the source of the hand. A mask was on his face to help him breathe, and Coran was the one holding it in place. 

“Keith, my boy, breathe.”

Keith tried slowing his breath down. His eyes flickered to Lance and the Cuban boy started instructing him. His voice was soft and soothing. It was like a song. Keith only focused on the boy and his breath. It took a few repetitions before his breathing returned to normal. The air mask was removed once Keith’s breathing returned to normal. Keith was tense still from the contact he had with Coran. Even after he knew it was Coran, he was not able to shake how overwhelming the simple act was.

“What happened?” Keith asked, looking to Lance for the answer.

“I woke up, not able to breathe like you just were. Coran grabbed the air mask. Then, just as mine got back to normal, you became conscious.”

Keith nodded in acknowledgement. “Do you remember anything? From… that space?”

Keith was also hoping that Lance would forget. Keith did not want help with his insomnia, and Lance was the best option. He wouldn’t intervene, would he? Lance would not tell Shiro or anyone else anything. At least, Keith thought. However Keith couldn’t deny, he felt freer now that Lance knew. He had someone who understood what he went through, in that Lance could derive certain actions to come from Keith’s backstory. He also felt seen. That was the only way to put it. Lance has witnessed a lot of his past abuse and Keith felt validated in that. Lance could help with the bad symptoms. Maybe. Not the insomnia but perhaps with his odd relationship with touch.

“Yeah, I remember it all,” Lance said, as if it was weird for Keith to ask such a thing, and pulling Keith out of his thoughts.

“You didn’t see anything from.. That night… right?” Lance asked.

“No. I remember everything but we came back to the castle and left.”

“What happened?” Coran asked. 

Keith and Lance exchanged looks, both asking the other if they wanted to talk. Lance sighed.

“Well, we went through Keith’s memories. Which was planned. Then, we went to my memories, specifically the night on Onyx.”

“Oh dear,” Coran said. He seemed genuinely surprised and concerned that this happened. “I’m sorry, that was not planned. You two must have broken some barriers emotionally between the two of you if Keith was able to enter your memories. It was supposed to be a one-way thing!”

Lance and Keith exchanged looks of surprise. Surprise, and something more.

“How are you two feeling? Did you get to why Keith has insomnia?” Coran asked, drawing the boys’ attention back. Keith looked at Lance warily. This was it. What Lance said here would show how Lance was going to approach this situation.

“Yes. I will brainstorm some ways to help and I want to work with Keith on it.” Lance said. 

“I’m sure Shiro would love to help! Anything you need, let me know.” Coran said.

“No!” Keith exclaimed. He retracted a bit. Lance and Coran looked alarmed at Keith’s reaction. Keith forced himself to relax. He looked away from them meekly. “I mean, Shiro already kind of knows about stuff that happened. But he doesn’t know-” Keith looked at Lance, silently demanding eye contact. Lance gave it to him. “-everything that happened.”

Lance nodded in understanding.

“What did you need to help you sleep? What was the cause?” Coran asked, directing the question at Keith. Keith knew it was from a place of love, of wanting to help, but they had already established that Keith was not going to tell anyone. And Lance had decided to keep the details of Keith’s past a secret. 

“Coran, I was wondering what kinds of medicines are in the medical bay,” Lance said, turning Coran’s attention away from Keith. Lance kept his focus on Keith. “I know you said you were against taking medicine, but what if it was a small dose? Just something to help relax you into sleep.”

Keith got out of the bed and headed towards the bathroom. Were they going to drug him against his will? Lance might do it out of wanting to help. That’s what Shiro had done. Keith entered the bathroom, closed and locked the door before Lance and Coran had the chance to react. 

“Mullet, what’s up?” Lance called. 

Images were started to come back to Keith. Repressed memories. Memories of the homes, of him being helpless. Ron beating him, and others. Telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he would never amount to anything. Forcing him to mold to their wills. To what they want Keith to be. Ronald hitting him, holding him down. The bathroom began to shrink. Keith was drowning now, drowning despite the air around him. He shut his eyes, focusing on his breathing. Trying to get more. More air, there wasn’t enough. As his breathing worsened, his heart had to try harder. Had to pump faster. The bathroom was now spinning on top of the changes in size. He felt nauseous.

“Keith!” Lance was pounding on the door. “Keith, open up please!”

Coran asked if Lance wanted him to force it open. Lance said something inaudible in return. Keith was cold and hot. He was shaking, but he wasn’t sure why or when that started. Was itt during the other stuff or just now starting? Lance was still pounding on the door, asking him to open up. To let him in. Keith couldn’t. He didn’t want Lance to suffocate too. Lance didn’t deserve that.

“Keith! What’s going on?”

“I-” Keith managed to say. “I can’t….. Not enough air.”

“Keith can we enter?” Lance’s voice was far out. Keith didn’t want him to enter, did not want Lance to see him like this. So weak. So vulnerable. Lance had been inside his head, sure. But this was different.

“No!”

“Keith, I want to help. Can I enter without Coran?”

“No! You-” Keith gasped for another breath “won’t breathe.”

“Keith,” Lance’s voice cracked on the one syllable, the heartbreak clear. “You are safe. You are in your bathroom. You locked the door and no one will come in unless you want them to.”

Lance’s silhouette was in the doorway. He knocked on the door again, this time softer. “Keith you are on the Castle ship. No one can get you here.”

“Except… you….” The room stilled. Keith felt the urge to vomit but nothing was available to come up. 

“I won’t enter until you tell me to, unless you are in harm's way.” Lance reassured.

“K-k-keep talking,” Keith requested. Focusing on Lance’s voice was helping. 

“Uh, anything specific?” Lance asked.

“No,” Keith managed to get out.

“Well, okay.”

Lance started telling Keith a story from back home. One about his family. One of his aunts was getting married and they were having a big celebration. Lance was in charge of looking after the children because he was not old enough to drink but he was old enough to look after children. He told Keith about how, with two of his cousins who were around the same age, they organized and played games after the ceremony. How happy it made Lance feel to do something like that. Seeing the smiling faces of his younger cousins. It was right before he came to the Garrison, the last big family party. Coran even joined in, talking about the celebration with King Alfor’s coronation. He compared it to how similar Earth was, according to the story Lance told.

Listening to Lance talk so warmly and passionately about the memory, then Coran in the same manner, brought Keith back down. He was breathing normally, deeply, the bathroom was not closing in on him. He felt safe. Coran and Lance were not going to do anything without his consent. Drugging him up. Keith was safe.

“Hey, what’s going on?” a voice said from the door of Keith’s room. Keith could faintly hear it. 

“Did the mind melt go okay?”

It was Allura.

“Keith is just having a bit of an episode.” Coran informed her.

“I’m fine,” Keith called. He saw Coran’s silhouette perk up at that.

“Oh? Can we open the door? Or you open the door?”

Keith, from where he was seated, leaning against the faucet counter on the floor, was barely able to reach up and unlock the door. Lance and Coran had also been sitting on the floor. Lance asked if they could open the door and Keith told him yes. The two boys stood up and the door opened with a whoosh.

Keith was hugging his knees to his chest. He hadn’t had that bad of an anxiety attack in a while.

“I saw that Lance and Keith’s brain waves were different. Shiro is also on his way.” Allura looked to Keith now that the door was open. She offered him an empathetic smile.

“He is not going to drug me again, is he?” Keith grumbled. He was exhausted. 

“I don’t think so.”

That was reassuring. Keith felt his brain build in pressure. 

“Keith,” Lance softly said, gaining his attention. Lance was now crouching beside him. “I will do everything I can in order to make sure you feel safe.”

“Do you think this is a side effect from bursting out of the mind melt?” Coran asked. The two humans - rather, the two people with human genes - turned to look at the male Altean.

“What?” Keith asked.

“You two forced yourselves from the mind melt. That has never happened before.”

“We forced ourselves out,” Keith said through gritted teeth “Because I went into Lance’s mind to the night of his assault.”

“Really?” Allura asked.

“Yes, and I forced us out because Lance does not owe me his trauma. I don’t have to know every fucking detail of what happened in order to know how to help.” Keith crossed his arms over his chest.

“Keith!” Shiro exclaimed from the door. He went to run over but a look from Lance changed the way Shiro approached.

“I’m fine.” As if to show it, Keith attempted standing up. He was a bit disoriented still and almost fell over. Lance caught him, taking Keith’s breath away and making his heart leap to his throat. Keith’s hands were on Lance’s upper arms, their forearms parallel. Keith pushed himself back up. He felt Lance tremble a little, but not from his weight. Keith steadied and, with his arms still connected to Lance but without the weight, looked at him. Lance’s face was tight and he was blinking fast. Keith immediately let go.

“Sorry Lance.” Keith said. Lance simply nodded.

“Lance, you still with us?” Keith deadpanned. Not out of apathy, but because he wasn’t sure what he could do for Lance.

Lance nodded again, wiped his eyes whilst muttering a “Yes”. 

Keith looked at the group in the room levelly.

“Listen. We both just went through shit. Can we not spring into action right away?” Keith asked.   
“Unlike an attack from the Galra, we don’t need an immediate response. At least, not in this situation. I just want to go train or do something.”

Coran and Allura looked to Shiro for guidance. For confirmation.

“Would you feel okay if we discussed some stuff without you two present?” Shiro asked. Keith gave him a guarded look and Shiro continued. “I mean, we are going to look up some things about trauma and such. Look at medications. We are not going to discuss necessarily action plans or anything without you two.”

Shiro looked down at his shoes, scratching the back of his neck.

“I thought I knew how to help but I didn’t. I want to learn more though. Getting you to do the mind melt was not exactly the best course of action.” Shiro looked up. His eyes burning with regret and sincerity. “Whatever Lance saw or learned can stay between you two. I just want to help you Keith. You are like a brother to me and I have been messing up a lot lately. Making bad judgement calls. We all just want to help. Both for Voltron’s sake, but more importantly for yours.”

Shiro looked over to Lance, who still looked like he had seen a ghost.

“That goes for you too Lance.”

Lance offered a small smile. “Thanks. I think I need a nap though.”

Keith felt exhausted but he also had an energy he needed to shake. Knowing that Lance was going to be sleeping, he figured he should burn off that energy. He pushed past Allura, Coran, and Shiro.

“If you need me, I’ll be training.” He called back, hoping the others would follow suit. They did.

Keith stumbled into bed later that night. He had trained and trained, thankfully without anyone disrupting him except to eat. They did not eat as a group this evening. Keith ate his food goo and headed back to training after waiting for it to digest. Allura ate with him, but did not ask about anything that had happened. She asked what Keith was up to, and looked pleased when he said training. She asked if anyone was with him. Keith hesitated to answer, wondering where the question was going. If he said he was alone, was Allura wanting to join? Did she want to join him and talk to him about personal matters? If he was with someone, Allura could want to see if they could get anything out of Keith. He ended up telling her he was alone. He would rather come up with an excuse for her not coming along than lie. 

Allura asked what he was doing and Keith told her strength training. Allura asked for Keith to, at some point, give her some tips and pointers. Not tonight, but in the near future. Keith agreed. He always liked helping people train. He could improve his skills when his opponents got better at attacking and fighting.

As he made his way down the metallic halls of the Castle ship, his muscles throbbing - he was DEFINITELY going to be sore tomorrow - he tried focusing on the shower that was in his immediate future. The hot water coursing over his muscles. Keith, despite his whole thing with touch, absolutely loved getting his hair cleaned. Whether by his hands or someone else’s, he loved having his head massaged. His hair being stroked. It didn’t make Keith sleepy, but a feeling similar that Keith couldn’t quite put a finger on. He also liked the shower because he was alone. He could think.

Keith locked the door to his bathroom as he entered. Coran had access to everyone’s rooms if need be, but the locking was more so for Keith’s comfort. If it wasn’t an emergency, the locking meant he did not want to be disturbed. Keith looked at himself in the mirror, realizing he still had the little brain scan things. He went over to the communicator.

“Coran?” He called.

“Yes?” Coran’s voice came through , crisp and clear.

“Can I shower with the… the uh… the head… things?” 

There was a pause that Keith attributed to Coran figuring out what Keith was talking about. “Let me check”

“Mmkay”

Keith looked to his shower. It was both a shower and a bathtub. He thought about having a bath, but pushed the thought away. Baths were relaxing too, but he couldn’t stop the bath if he needed to get out. At least, the water would have to drain. Taking a shower was less of a hassle.

“They are waterproof!” Coran said. “However, the Princess and Shiro have decided that scanning your brain, while helpful, is a bit too invasive of a treatment. Not in a literal sense, but in a privacy sense!”

“Kay,” Keith deadpanned. He had barely noticed the metallic hemispheres on his head. His hair covered most of them; the only one visible was the one on his forehead. 

“We already took Lance’s off. Would you like yours off as well?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Can it wait until after my shower?”

“Most definitely! I will be waiting in the med bay.” 

With that, he turned on the shower, took off his clothes, and let his mind wander.

Clothed and mostly dry, Keith met Coran in the med bay. He was wide awake physically but mentally he was exhausted. Keith splayed himself down on the table as if it was nothing. Coran asked if Keith was comfortable and Keith nodded. He winced many times. From the slightest touch of Coran’s gloved hands to when the tech accidentally shocked him. It was not painful, just startling. Coran suggested Keith was getting shocked due to the leftover water from his hair being conductive. He asked if Keith was okay, to which Keith simply nodded. Coran was about to clap him on the back but thought better of it. The Altean looked down at his feet.

“Keith, I want you to know that you can talk to me. I never had children but Allura was basically my daughter. If you need someone, I am here. There are more things I need to understand about humans, but I feel that I know enough. ”

Keith thought it was a kind gesture of Coran. But he just did not feel comfortable talking about what happened. Coran continued before Keith could thank him.

“I also want you to know that I will not be asking Lance for any details. That’s between you two.”

“Uh, thanks Coran.” Keith roughly said, averting his eyes. Coran talking to him made him feel broken. He didn’t like feeling this way. He didn’t need to be consoled like a child. He didn’t need to talk about what happened when he was young. “I think I’ll pass.”

Coran looked solemnly at Keith but the half Galran didn’t see. Keith left to go back to his room.

Another sleep-deprived night fell onto Keith. He sus[ected the others at this time were starting to head to bed, if not already there. Keith could tell though that he would be up late. After years of having sleeping problems, he could tell how good or bad a night would be.

As he laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind played through the memories. The ones Lance and he found. Before, Keith had remembered Ron and the beatings; remembered that they happened. However it was like he was given a synopsis of what had been done to him. He could acknowledge it happened without facing the feelings. Now, he was watching the movie. Watching it play over and over again as he drowned in the emotions that came with. The fear, the guilt, the inferiority, the pain. The excuses he had to make so no one suspected anything. The other homes were abusive too. Keith remembered that Ron was not the first caregiver to hit Keith. Tears streaming from Keith’s eyes. He curled into a ball, shutting his eyes closed. But no matter what he did, he could not escape the memories. Eyes open or closed, the images flashed in his mind. He heard the accusations, the insults. No matter how he positioned his body, he could not get comfortable.

Lance consoling him after seeing the memories during the mind melt popped into his head. Lance, who had been through trauma recently. Lance, who was very careful with people. Lance, whom Keith admired so much.

Was this what it was like for Lance? Could he see his perpetrators every night? The party memories were fuzzy and mixed when Keith viewed them earlier but it was likely that Lance knew roughly what happened. He didn’t want to see it because he saw it every night.

A knock on the door brought Keith’s attention out of his mind. He softly asked who was there as he made his way to the door. He recognized who it was before they answered.

“Um, can I come in?” Lance’s voice quivered.

“Uh sure,” Keith replied. He moved to allow Lance to enter. Lance stood in the center of his room, with his arms crossed, his foot tapping. He was in light blue pajamas and smelled like vanilla. His hair was close to drying. Lance looked Keith up and down, a troubled expression on his face when their eyes met. Keith reciprocated it; Lance’s eyes were red and glossy.

“Keith…” Lance said, his voice small. “Have you been crying?”

Oh shit, were Keith’s eyes red too? Keith averted his eyes, cleared his throat.

“Uh, no…”

Lance gave him a doubtful look. Keith sighed.

“Ok, yes… Have you?”

Now it was Lance’s turn to look away.

“Yeah… I was asleep but I woke myself up with a nightmare.”

Keith did not pry, he could figure out what the content of the nightmare was.

“And you decided to come here?” Keith questioned. 

“Yeah. I, um… don’t want to be alone.”

“Why didn’t you go to Hunk or Pidge?” Keith asked. They were better at emotions. 

“You make me feel safe.” Lance said it simply, as if it was the most obvious answer. Keith made Lance feel safe? How? Keith knew he was sincere because he gave Keith some eye contact. Lance hugged himself less. “Also I figured you were awake.”

Lance looked around the room.

“Oh… okay.” Keith awkwardly said. God, Lance was making him flustered. He wanted to say that Lance was amazing. He admired Lance’s compassion. How he cared about everyone so much. He openly expressed himself and did not often hide his feelings. He made Keith’s heart flutter. Lance was relaxed, chill. A calming presence.

Lance chuckled nervously.

“Can I, uh, sleep here tonight?” 

Keith apparently reacted with his face before his words because Lance immediately looked embarrassingly down at his feet and added, “It’s okay if the answer is no, I just don’t want to be alone. I can even bring in one of the benches for myself, if you would feel more comfortable tha-”

“Lance.” Keith interrupted. Lance’s eyes flicked to him. “We can share the bed.”

“You’re okay with that?” Lance asked.

“I think I should be asking you that.” Keith said. He felt a little deja vu.

“Besides, it won’t be the first time we shared a bed.”  
Lance looked around the room, then at Keith and then at the bed. Neither boys moved. Lance asked if Keith was already in bed before he got there. Keith said he was, but he was not sleeping. Lance had apparently ran into Coran on his way to Keith’s room. Coran was going to meet Lance here, bringing something to hopefully help him sleep. But he did not want to be drugged asleep while alone in his room. It made sense to Keith. Coran was going to bring some medication for Keith to try too, if he was up for it. They were not going to force him. Keith nodded. He wasn’t sure how he felt. Perhaps Coran could explain how it would work. Space medicinal methods varied in their execution. Both how it is administered and how well they work. They had found that Alteans and Humans reacted similarly to medications. The fact that Keith was Half Galra would add a twist. Something to compensate for. 

“What did you want to do until he gets here?” Keith asked. Lance shrugged. Keith gestured for Lance to sit on the bed, also sitting on the bed. Lance slumped down beside Keith. He smirked.

“Remember at the Garrison how against each other we were? Hell, even at the beginning of Voltron we had such a rivalry.” Lance commented. He wiped a few tears from his tears, likely leftover from his previous crying.

“Yeah. You were sooo jealous of me.” Keith said, smirking a little.

“Was not!” Lance retorted. “I will have you know, I think YOU were jealous of ME.”

Keith considered this. If he was being honest, he was jealous of Lance. The way he was naturally good at communicating and getting along with others. Keith told him this.

“Really?” Lance asked. Keith nodded sincerely. “We both were jealous but that was also because we saw positive qualities in one another.”

Lance turned so he was facing Keith, one leg bent on the bed while the other dangling off the bed. He reached out for Keith’s hand, squeezing it...Affectionately?

“Our relationship has grown over the years,” Lance stated. “And we have had a lot of time to get to know one another. Had many…” A cheeky smirk came across Lance’s face. “Bonding moments.”

“YOU REMEMBER?!” 

Lance laughed. Keith grabbed his pillow and hit Lance. Lance seized hold of the pillow, hit Keith back, then threw it off the bed. He lunged at Keith playfully. Straddling Keith on the bed, Keith tried to get a jab into Lance, to try and tickle him, as Lance was doing the same to him.

“You forget, Keith, that we have trained together. I know your tricks!”

Keith wrapped his legs around Lance’s waist, and Lance brought Keith’s hips more on the bed. Keith tried using his feet to get Lance farther away, maneuvering them to push Lance’s waist. But Lance brought his hips higher up on Keith’s body. To an outsider it probably looked as if Lance grinded on Keith. He tried getting his feet to Lance’s waist again but the strain was too much. Keith was so focused on their legs he didn’t realize Lance had his arms pinned until he tried to push Lance off of him with his hands. Lance was holding him down by the forearms, not the wrists. He appreciated it, as the touch did not remind him of past experiences wrestling. Keith brought his legs down, only for a second later for them to be pinned as well. Lance shifted their position.

Keith faked relaxing into being held down. Lance had his elbows holding down Keith’s arms, his legs holding down Keith’s. Lance made a show of having his hands free, wiggling his fingers mockingly. Lance put his weight down on Keith, their hips meeting. They both felt the mutual awkwardness of feeling the rise in each other’s pants.

“Okay, you win,” Keith said to break the tension.

“Oh no…. As soon as I let my guard down, you are going to pounce me.”

“I would never,” Keith smirked, knowing that Lance saw right through him.

“What if I tickled you right now? What would you do?” Lance asked.

“Probably punch you.” Keith bluntly said.

“Correction!” Lance said dramatically “TRY to punch me. I have you pinned.”

A look of concern and worry washed over Lance’s face. Keith felt him lighten the pressure on Keith’s body.

“This isn’t triggering for you is it?” Lance asked.

“No…” Keith averted his eyes but realized that was a hard thing to do in the position they were in. “I, um, actually kind of like it.”

“Oh?” Lance returned the pressure. “You like this?”

Lance was flirting wasn’t he? He was being playful. Semi-sexual. He seemed to be turned on as well. 

“Want to know what I would like?” Lance asked, bringing Keith out of his brief internal monologue. Keith looked at him in question. 

“What?”

Lance visibly shrunk a little. The furocity did not leave from Lance’s force. Lance looked into Keith’s eyes with a compelling intensity. Keith felt the pressure in his pants build even more.

“I want you to kiss me.”

Keith was shocked and did not respond immediately. Sure, his observations pointed to that being what Lance would say. But even hearing it, he could not believe the words coming out of Lance’s mouth. This amazing human, the one who saw Keith’s darkest days earlier that day, who saw how and why Keith was messed up, wanted to kiss him? Wanted Keith to kiss him?

“Yes,” Keith sputtered out a few beats later. Lance’s eyes flickered to Keith’s lips, then up to his eyes.

“Really?”

Lance let go of Keith’s arms, placing them in between Keith’s arms and head. Keith brought his hands to Lance’s face, gently cupping the beautiful boy above him.

“Yeah.”

Keith delicately guided Lance’s face to his.

When their lips made contact, and Keith could smell Lance, taste Lance, feel Lance, it was pure heaven. Everything seemed to disappear. It was just the two Paladins and the contact they were making. After the first initial kiss, Lance parted from Keith. He moved his arms so he could hold Keith firmly, going under and up his armpits. Their chests in line, their hips together. Lance’s legs slid to be off of Keith, turning into him straddling the half Galran. Lance brought himself back down onto Keith, Keith attacked Lance’s mouth with passion. He couldn’t get enough of how Lance tasted, and Lance reciprocated. Lance licked Keith’s lips, asking for access. Keith opened his mouth to let Lance in. They both parted for air.

“Wow…” Keith breathed. Lance looked as if he had seen a ghost. Keith’s brows furrowed. “Are you triggered by this at all?”

Lance chuckled. “No, I… I just can’t believe it.”

“Believe what?”

“That you like me. That we are kissing. I also can’t believe how comfortable I am right now.”

Lance slowly lowered his face back to Keith’s.

Knock knock knock

Lance leaped off of Keith.

“Keith? Lance? Are you both in there?” Coran’s voice came through the door.

“Yep!” Lance called. Keith sat up.

“Come in!” Keith called. He straightened out his shirt.

Coran had a lookover of the two Paladins. Keith couldn’t read the expression on Coran’s face but he seemed unphased at their slightly dishevelled appearances.

“Keith, will you be partaking in the sleep drug experience?” Coran asked.

Keith crossed his arms and legs, leaning over to get a better look at the tray Coran had brought.

“Depends. What do you have?”

“Lets see here. I have three options.” Coran said, gesturing to the tray he had in his hands. He set it down on Keith’s bedside table. He picked up a see through bottle with a pink liquid in it. “This is Slandaxerian Slime. Watered down and with flavoring. Their slime is known to induce sleep. Alteans use this when they have a cold and can’t sleep. Possible side effects include itching, hair loss, extreme nail growth, muscle pain, and heightened sexual desires. ”

Coran placed it back. The next thing he showed them was a container with a.. Worm(?) inside of it. He explained this worm would attach itself to either of their necks. It pumps its venom into the spinal cord. Keith would have to depend on someone else to wake him up and take the worm off. Galrans and Alteans apparently had side effects of tingles and sneezing after. These were consistently proven. The last remedy was in a bottle. A green liquid sploshed around and- 

Keith blinked. Was it glowing? Coran noticed, immediately confirming what Keith was seeing. This liquid, called Nightout, was a mixture of a few substances. Keith would again have to rely on someone else to wake him up by giving him the antidote. It caused the consumer to sleep and have dreams. Was often used by bad people to render their victims unconscious before it was illegal. Then it was taken under by medical professionals and showed to be less extreme for medical procedures. Legalized for hospital use. This he had to take orally and once he started chugging, he had to continue until it was all gone. Coran admitted he would be guessing the proper dose for Keith due to his lineage. Side effects after were varied. From grogginess to not being able to walk for an hour. To hallucinations.

Keith weighed the three options. He did not like having to rely on someone to wake him up. Going from not having any control of when he slept to not controlling when he woke up was a jump Keith was not sure he wanted to make. The worm option sounded horrifying. It made Keith’s skin crawl just thinking about the execution. 

“I would like the Slanexan slime, or whatever it was,” Lance said. That made sense for Lance to also not want to rely on others to wake him up. Coran looked at Keith.

“Yeah, the slime for me too.”

Keith tried not to think about the last possible side effect; heightened sexual desire. However, he would rather that, over losing his mullet. His luscious locks. Coran left to fetch another dose and to put the other options away.

“Wait, did Coran say how that one was to be taken?” Lance asked in the following silence.

“No… oh god,” Keith put his head in his hands. “I hope it’s easy.”

“Coran DID say it had flavoring, so maybe that means we just swallow it?”

Coran returned after a few minutes with two doses. He explained that they had to down the dose like a shot. He had also brought juice to help with after. Once one person has taken it, they have to get into position as soon as possible. He handed the two boys their respective doses. Keith’s was bigger.

“Get into position,” Coran instructed. 

They decided via a game of Rock Paper Scissors that Keith would go first.

His heart sped up. It pounded against his ribcage. Why was he so nervous? He was just falling asleep next to someone he kissed. Someone he trusted. Something inside of him was retreating, backing away from this. From getting better, from help.

Lance noticed the change in Keith’s aura. Sitting next to Keith in Keith’s bed, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith. Squeezed him affectionately.

“I’m right here. You’re okay Keith.”

Coran put forth the glasses of juice. Keith took a deep breath. He downed the pink liquid, chugging the juice instantly. He felt as if he had just taken a shot of sewer water. Coran’s hand was suddenly behind Keith’s head. Keith’s vision blurred like a fish in a bowl. An image of Ron popped up in Keith's mind. The hands on him became too much. Someone prompted him to lay down, but he did not want to submit. Keith pushed himself away from the blurry figures. He stumbled to the bathroom. He had to throw up the substance before it did anything else!

THUD.

Keith heard himself hit the floor before he felt the pain. His jaw, arms, knees. 

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed.

Keith could barely move. Someone rolled him onto his back. He recognized the blue blob to be Lance. 

“Can’t see… blurry,” Keith got out through a yawn. He felt the drug move through his bloodstream and relax his muscles. It had yet to get to his head.

“God that was fast.” Lance said. He picked Keith up bridal style, Coran supporting his head. 

“Probably should have warned you.” Coran said. “I did say get into position as soon as possible.”

They placed Keith on the bed. Lance crawled in next to him. From the motions and movement blob-Lance did, Keith assumed Lance took the medication. Lance cuddled into Keith’s chest. Keith’s breathing had been slowing since he was on the bed.

“Is this okay?” Lance asked through a yawn.

Darkness swam all over his vision. Keith shut his eyes, giving in.

“Perfect,” he mumbled.


End file.
